surprise! she's cool!

"hi ems"
"hi mom"
"we have an extra concert ticket for a show on friday, can you go?"
"aww, i can't, i'm going to santa barbara. what show is it?"
"brighteyes"
"mom, you listen to brighteyes?"
"yes! they are so great!"

my fifty-year-old mother is pretty rad.

historic building.

my evening with damien rice was.. moving. he made me cry. live music feeds me, it makes the music that i listen to real. it puts a name to a face, or sound for that matter. there were a ton of [popular] songs he didn't sing, but he ended with a bottle of wine and cheers darlin'. i was really impressed by the lighting; it's incredible how it can better a show. i would go again and again and again.

the paramount theatre,
a historic building with incredible textures and design:


[who takes pictures of the roof and chairs? weird.]

"lost time"

at work i got to be a seat filler for the fashion show. super interesting as it was for the nclr.

my friend at work said: "people should have to fill out applications to have babies!" she is a little cynical and thinks there are too many unloved children on the earth slash too many people on earth.
very interesting.

some lyrics from a maria taylor song that i listened to 8 times on the bus ["lost time"]: "I never said that it was mine / I was just holding it / If I was lonely all this time / Well, I didn't know it / And if I tried too hard / I'd probably blow it / The rest is just a guess // If it's all just luck / It was tough enough / If we lost some time / Then we'll make it up // And a heart that grieves / Gets lost in everything / And a heart in need / Finds hope in anything"

damien rice in 2.5, yes.

today's highlights.

[in no particular order]:
fresh flowers in my room
attending the not for sale press conference
sara got the job! yah!
purchasing two cds: maria taylor and lullaby baxter
the last community dinner at asquew benefiting dining out for life

and lowlights...
drama on grey's: george is leaving :(
dodgers were swept by the giants! wow!

i enjoyed today.

gun thoughts.

thanx, adam gopnik, for your comments in the new yorker.

#49 complete: go to the ballet

student tickets saved us (renee, florecita, angel & leslie) $45/each. we got all dolled up and made our way to van ness and grove to the war memorial building- the home of the opera and the ballet in sf.

i love hearing the sound the pointe shoes make on the hard floor when the music isn't playing. it makes it real, and that much more beautiful. it was almost a squeaky noise. they made it look so easy, as they were lifted to and from and their legs went in every which direction. the jazz element mixed with the modern ballet was incredibly entertaining, too. though, you could tell the audience favorite was the classic part as they gasped when the curtain rose to twenty-four ballerinas standing on pointe with their white tutus- a tremendous statement and impact.

oh yeah, i got the job today. [wooooohoooooo!]

promotion!

tonight we celebrated dillon as he was promoted to ass.man.* at apple! we had so much fun as we started with scategories, moving on to the fish bowl and finishing with in-n-out at sara's place. cheers to ruining the vhs (dan!), more goldfish, bad front seat radio djs, girly drinks, and "what my friends would say about me."

good luck to sara and myself with new jobs.
still....waiting.............to hear....anything.....

*ass.man. = assistant manager

earth day!

dillon, becky, jeff, trent, dq and i definitely celebrated the earth today, or at least the beauty that is san francisco.

in the center of it all: 360 degree view of sf.


ek&bp

secret sf slides built by "mr. carter" over 30 years ago


dq giving us a lecture about safety. [jokes]

jeff and dillon leading the train... by themselves.


dq, jeff, dillon, and trent on the cliff near china beach.


it wouldn't be sf with out the golden gate bridge.

becky . jeff . sf

good morning . farmer's market . h&m . apple store . street car . fisherman's wharf . rain . coit tower . union street . fillmore . marc by mj windows . gelato . paper source . nap time . albertsons . bruschetta . revolving sushi . lombard street . robin's house . scategories . good night .

look closely.

click the photo and see how muni can have a sense of humor.

listening to "through toledo" by greg laswell.
[good] complications with the sim job, but i find out tomorrow.
#27 complete: adam and jenns blanket.
new grey's tonight: finally.
paste and real simple came today!

baseballs float?!

tonight i learned that baseballs float (unlike golf balls). get your laughter out now, i already feel dumb thinking that they sink. anyway, barry bonds hit one into the water tonight, straight into mccovey cove where one lucky kayaker scooped up #738. overall, the game was fabulous- sara, dan and trent joined in on the fun: hot dogs, garlic fries and a win for the giants! i heart at&t park. in july, the giants host the dodgers so i might take my brother for his birthday. that is the one time i will root for the visitor.

this is funny [now], though i wasn't laughing when it happened: during the 11th inning, we moved down into some good [and expensive] seats [that we didn't pay for]. the woman directly behind me told me she couldn't see over my head. [ha!] i turned around and said, "are you serious? i'm five-two-and-three-quarters. i've never heard something so ridiculous. but for you, i will slouch." i couldn't believe it. she said i was blocking her perfect view of homeplate. i should have just told her to sit up straight [i didn't because my mother taught me better than that] [and i was illegally sitting in those seats].

thoughts on vt

I wasn’t sure if I was going to write about this, but it’s what’s on my mind and what I am addicted to in this moment. My lens is completely limited; I don’t know anyone in Virginia and have no relation to this tragedy. However, I am in the same generation as the killer and the killed. These are some of my thoughts in response to the Virginia Tech shooting:

I can't help but be drawn to the killer. What were the circumstances that led him to this place? Why was he so angry? How did he hide his hurt? Or was it completely evident?

I am worried that the feeling of "it won't happen to Westmont" may overcome some students. The reality is that it could happen to Westmont, just as much as any other college campus. I feel close to this issue because of a family member who had a psychotic break, along with being a student at Westmont when another student committed suicide. Being Christian does not separate you/me from depression, mental illness, psychotic breaks, etc. It’s possible that there may be some naiveté that needs to be addressed.

All this to say, I cannot forget about Cho Seung-Hui. His hurt and pain overwhelm me; his numbness is incomprehensible. The news describes him as a troubled soul. There must be so much guilt and/or shame; his parents, his roommate, his friends (he must have had one?), his RA, all Student Life staff at VT, anyone who ever came in contact with him. My heart hurts for you.

Because Cho killed himself, it is hard for me, as a human, to be mad at him- he isn't here and he can't answer my questions. Instead, questions that don’t have the answers I want are asked and blame is put on VT, the police, etc. The SF Chronicle (an AP article) read: "Why wasn't class canceled after the first shooting?" Great question, but where does it lead? The answer might be that the police and VT made a mistake, but it doesn't mean that more/less people would have died, does it? We can’t predict what would have been.

I am sitting here… trying to think of Cho as a human. He was a man who had desires, feelings, dreams, fears, aspirations, joys. Not only that, but he was created in God's image. I'm not sure how to reconcile the tension I feel with Cho as a killer, but Cho as a victim. Merriam-Webster defines victim as 1) one that is injured, destroyed, or sacrificed under any of various conditions and 2) one that is subjected to oppression, hardship, or mistreatment. I really do believe he was a victim.

Apparently he wrote, "you caused me to do this". Who is this ‘you’? On one hand, no one actually forced him to pull the trigger, but on the other hand, what happened to this man in his twenty-three years of life that contributed to this state?

All of this increases my desire to study Counseling. Not because of something I could do to find the answer to suicides and school shootings, but because there might be an answer. There might be some way to help. And if not, there is always a need for more help in times of crisis.

I am left despondent.

fresh strawberries!

yum.

this week:
giants
becky
earth day
martin sexton
so excited.

kathryn does a handstand.

i turn twenty-three in 160 days and i am thrilled. absolutely thrilled.
i can't tell you why i am so thrilled, but know that i am.

who wants a paper crane?

a real long day, but so fun.

ten hour nordstrom day.

brought my mom her fiftieth birthday present. the brothers and i gave her a beautiful pearl necklace-- she loved it.

sara and i joined the sf boys and some mission springs people for a fun night out to celebrate dan's twenty fourth.
cape cods + dancing + no cover before eleven = fun.

the feeling: described poorly. [it's mine, though]

sometimes i get this feeling of ..comfort. i can feel life. reality. and i am reminded of beauty. it feels like there is so much purpose. so much to discover and learn. a little piece of life that i write down and put in a box, hoping to visit it and re-connect with the feeling at a later date. hoping to understand it better with age and maturity and life experience.

usually this feeling comes when i encounter a form of art: a song lyric, a movie line, a stanza within a poem, a photo, an illustration, etc. tonight the feeling came when i watched stranger than fiction:

"Sometimes when we lose ourselves in fear and despair, in routine and constancy, in hopelessness and tragedy, we can thank God for Bavarian sugar cookies. And fortunately when there aren’t any cookies we can still find reassurance in a familiar hand on our skin. Or a kind and loving gesture. Or subtle encouragement. Or a loving embrace. Or an offer of comfort. Not to mention, hospital gurneys. And nose plugs. An uneaten danish. And soft-spoken secrets. And fender metal casters and maybe the occasional piece of fiction."

it might be one of those "you had to be there" moments. however, i am giving myself permission to allow it to be a moment that you (the reader, the friend, the enemy?) might not understand, and for that, it can only be named mine. my moment.

last night and being lazy. right. now.

last night sara, my new co-worker, and i hung out. she moved to sf from kansas city and is full of fun. we went to cha cha cha and had tapas, then through golden gate park, to 301 lyon street, to her place and onto the lyon pub in pacific heights. sara convinced me to have a beer. i had an amstel light. is that gross? (i don't know what a good beer is.) adventures with sara will be increasing, i'm sure.

**shonna, thanks for taking my call but please don't let george come visit you. or call you. or send you pictures. blah.

the a-sim job is looking real good. assistant store manager: "i want to see you in the position, emily." me: "awwww! thanks steve!"

my dentist is pretty impressive: he called me at home to check on me and ask how i was doing with my fillings. has your dentist ever done that? woah.

so much to do right now and instead i am interneting it and thinking about how grey's is new tonight. my room is such a mess (for me)... my bed isn't made, clothes and yarn everywhere, and all i want to do is crawl back into bed and watch c-span. yes, i wrote c-span. as a kid, i would come home from school and be captivated by c-span. too bad i don't get more than abc, cbs and fox. damn.

the weather: so good. (i will clean with the balcony doors open!)
listening to: phoenix "it's never been like that"
can't wait: to see becky!
in today's mail: damien rice tickets.... hoooray!
deal of the century: going to the sf ballet for $10! (next week?)
9 days until: mom turns fifty! party.

adventures of today.

today i spent the morning with emma and willem (emma's big brother). their grandma sent them easter $ so we had quite the adventure going to the duck pond, dog park, jamba juice, noah's and the 'five and dime' (toy store!). love these kids.

later in the day i had to go to the dentist... a numb mouth and two fillings later i fully promote flossing.

so sorry.

i am so sorry sir, that you got on the bus with no help.

i am so sorry sir, that no one moved for you and all we did was stare, slowly figuring out that you were disabled- that was quite the prosthetic arm you had.

i am so sorry sir, that i am part of a generation who has forgotten the disabled on muni; that we don't know how to get off our asses and move so you can sit down.

i am so sorry sir, because i am part of a nation that believes they are entitled.

his bag was so heavy, tell me someone helped him get off the bus?

vacaville...who knew?

a few students and i went to another student's hometown of vacaville to celebrate easter. i was incredibly overwhelmed as i experienced a multi-cultural church in its purest form-- thank you vacaville first baptist for hosting us and to the lawlers for a fabulous easter lunch.

saturday's side note: riley is eight months, healthy, and not really interested in kicking when i have my hand on jenn's belly. grr.

a documentary worth your time.

I watched Jesus Camp last night. Some thoughts:

First, the movie as a whole did not freak me out (I've heard it's scared others). In my teenage years (14-17) the youth group I was involved in was a fundamentalist type group. You know, the kind where the fundy way is the only way and if you aren't raising your hands in church during worship, you must not know Jesus. Yeah. About that.

Second, I couldn't believe that the response toward Global Warming was that it is "a lie from the liberal democrats and that it didn't matter because our life on this earth is only temporary; Jesus is coming back soon so we don't need to care that much" (my paraphrase!). Now, for the record (what record, really?) I'm not taking a position on Global Warming. HOWEVER, I am taking a position regarding this earth and our job to be good stewards of it- it is not an option! How we live our lives has an effect on the Earth- there is no arguing with that. I think it is completely ridiculous to disregard environmental issues as "liberal democrat" ideas- this isn't political. Period. All this to say, I salute the three R's (reduce, reuse, recycle), composting, turning off the lights, taking shorter (or less!) showers and public transportation. Thank you to letsgreenthiscity.com for being so kick ass in San Francisco.

Last, should I be concerned that the man wearing the red "Life" shirt who rocks back and forth is my brother's boss and mentor? He is the reason my brother moved to South Carolina. Yikes?

#19 completed: tonight!

one of the students, neil, is very italian (meaning he cooks incredible italian food and i think his grandpa immigrated to the states from italy). this carries over into the house as the kitchen is usually filled with aromas that remind me of life in florence. today we made lasagna together... mostly he made it and i assisted, earning the title of sous chef. it turned out pretty dang good. i think we're going to open up an italian restaurant. jokes.

so spontaneous.

6:56pm: "hi em, it's opening night at at&t park and we have an extra ticket. giants v. padres"

"what time does it start?"

"7:15"

"hmmm... let me call you back in five."

7:03pm: "dan! i called a cab, i'll be there in 10."

twins, diamonds and rosie

this morning was spent with both emma and stephenjohn. three different people asked me how old my twins were. i kindly responded, "i'm just the babysitter." (insulted?)


i watched blood diamond last night. it confirmed some of my thoughts about diamonds and i was able to relate with many of the things maddy bowen thought and felt.


"and i have much farther to go. everything is new and so unpredictable. i should just click my heels together and go home
but i'm not sure where that is anymore." -->lyrics from my favorite song right now "much farther to go" by rosie thomas

i got to 99.

1. Visit Boston
2. Go to the deYoung Museum
3. Take a cooking class
4. Buy a watch (Completed 2/13/07)
5. Go wine tasting
6. Study counseling/MFT
7. Visit KP & ST in Seattle
8. Go to Las Vegas
9. Fill the space over my bed
10. Take photos of SF doors
11. Hear Sam Beam live, hopefully with Sean
12. Go to the Japanese Tea Gardens in GG Park
13. Read The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning
14. Organize my art supplies
15. Kiss in the rain
16. Journal for 365 consecutive days
17. Drink a cup of black coffee
18. Make exercise a part of my daily life
19. Make “home-made” lasagna with Neil
20. Go back to Florence
21. See Coldplay live
22. Take a silk screening class
23. Go to Dave Batstone’s class
24. See Rosie Thomas live
25. Raise $ for Old Skool Café
26. Cut out the Real Simple articles that I want to keep
27. Finish Adam and Jenn’s blanket
28. Start and finish Carter and Courtney’s blanket
29. Ride a scooter
a. Buy a scooter?
30. Go to the San Francisco Symphony
31. Find a new fiction book that I enjoy reading
32. Visit the Armours in Portland in 2007
33. Read The Four Loves by CS Lewis
34. Visit my grandparents in Kauai, by myself
35. Rent space in a dark room and print
36. Use my Nalgene consistently
37. Run a half marathon
38. Go fishing with Carter
39. Get a dog… Lulu?
40. Ride a bike across Golden Gate Bridge
41. Go to a fondue restaurant
42. See Kate Earl live (Completed 8/5/05)
43. Pay off my school loans
44. Go to a spelling bee
45. Taste more beer
a. Decide if I really don’t like it
46. Purchase a new point and shoot digital
47. Drive on Highway 1
48. Take a trip with Lori… somewhere
49. Go to the ballet
50. Go to counseling
51. Babysit Riley
52. Forgive myself for recent hurt
53. Read poetry
54. Spend more time with Rusty
55. Celebrate community with Page 3C in April 2008
56. Learn how to eat healthy
57. Camp with friends
58. Consistently go to Cornerstone
59. Go to a dive bar with Gina
60. Start the magazine I’ve dreamed of
61. Eat sushi in Japantown
62. Keep in touch with Jenn and Jeff Kliewer monthly
63. Apply to be on Survivor
64. Go to a professional football game
65. Turn off my cell phone for 1-3 weeks
66. Sell my car
67. Go to New York City
68. Purchase one of Andrew Bird’s cds
69. Study Jesus’ words re: Jallen
70. Take Willem and Emma to the zoo
71. Finish No Man Is An Island by Thomas Merton
72. Plan at least 3 more friends’ weddings
73. Purchase Justin Timberlake’s cd
74. Re-read Lederach’s books
75. Purchase a subscription to The New Yorker
76. Research the importance of Flax Seed Oil
a. Use it?
77. Go to the grand re-opening of the Academy of Sciences
78. Re-plant the garden on my balcony
79. Visit Shonna in TO
80. Purchase an old dresser, refinish it
81. Buy speakers
82. Write my own “The Way I See It” Starbucks quote
83. Learn more about the Kennedy family
84. Get involved in getting youth to vote
85. Whiten my teeth
86. Finish critiquing Captivating by the Eldridges
87. Learn to play piano
88. Go to Coit Tower
89. Become a vegetarian for one month
90. Finish Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott
91. See Damien Rice live
92. Adopt
93. Try a new type of food
94. Go to Twin Peaks
95. Visit Carissa in Orange
96. Get new euro-pillows
97. Floss for 21 days straight
98. Go to Paris
99. March in a protest

april, already?

what the hell. i can't believe it's april 1.
where did january, february AND march go? damn.

so many good things in the sunday paper: top 100 bay area restaurants and a book review on benjamin barber's "consumed: how markets corrupt children, infantilize adults, and swallow citizens whole"

upcoming: photo shoot at golden gate bridge. wine tasting in sonoma. giants game (it's april 18 and we have 10 extra tickets- email me if you want to come).

just received: billy collins' sailing alone around the room.
very relaxing.