"you must take it; you are the collector."

i watched everything is illuminated. this film received an award tonight... it made my top ten list! (i don't know what's in my top ten, other than good will hunting, crash, seven, amelie, pay it forward, and.... uh, are there even ten?) anyway, it was beautiful. brilliant. thoughtful. i must remember that "the ring is not here because of us, but we are here because of the ring." and of course, "it is always along the side of us. on the inside looking out. like you say, inside out."

quote: "yesterday i bought rain boots and today it rained... it doesn't get any better than that!" later... i asked her, "you walked all the way home? from 6th and mission? up those hills!" she responded, "i had to step in all the puddles before they went away!" i have a lot to learn from you. thank you.

rusty reminded me that she never knew what she wanted, she just took each opportunity as it came. she says, "you can always quit- nothing is permanent."

earlier as i made my list of almost 99 things to do, i felt so content. when a new relationship (friendship, romantic, professional, etc) enters in my life, something else is removed. over the last eight months, it is possible that the something that might have been removed has been myself (for the most part). i sway and like the things you like, forgetting who i am and what i like. thus, making decisions that i wouldn't normally make, based on the idea of the relationship. i know how to give and give and i know not how to receive. someone, teach me how to receive. so, when the feeling of contentment came over me, i sipped the cold drink, swallowed, and exhaled. i stopped holding my breath, and felt like i was making progress. a while ago, i thought that i would do something with this "day off" that i received. when i woke up today and decided that i wasn't going to "do something" like i originally planned (take a hike, drive on hwy 1, etc), i was bummed as i made my list of errands. then, as i sat there, i realized that this is what this day was for... to realign myself, to exhale... to wash my sheets.

i have the day off today.

it is raining here, what's it like where you are?
i started my 99 item to-do list. it will show up here soon.
coffee with rusty in an hour.
i went to a job interview this weekend.
but what is it that i want?

uneasy.

this photo reminds me of being uneasy. at 10:22am i wanted to puke. i felt so taken from- by my self, more than anyone else. reminded of my actions, the knot in my stomach got tense as i recalled memories of touch and sound. the feeling came back later. now i feel nervous, like the doctor is doing the routine check up, but i am resisting it. i can hear you say, "don't resist it ..feel it, emily.. just be present."

veronica's internship.

tonight i attended the missing piece interactive art show: "an imaginative space to observe, participate, and create." basically, it was another great taste of san francisco. thank you, to the fashionista in the house: veronica, for having a kick ass internship.

thanx dr. robin.

"what we resist... persists."

momi toby's.

cheers to good conversation re: language, death, and silence.
thank you momi toby's for being so uniquely san francisco.
pictured: renee, myself and kathryn (on the inside).

for you, shonna.

yellow rain jackets...

...are so fun when they are on kids as cute as emma. today we enjoyed the walk to laurel village and shared a smoothie. spending time with this kid is one of the most wonderful things i do through out my week. note: we have matching red handbags and her rainboots are cooler than mine.

time: as of now.

yesterday:
work sucked.
i watched my favorite movie.

today:
my hair is greasy.
my boss told me she's quitting.

tomorrow:
i get to hang out with emma.
i am going to job hunt.

now:
i feel drained. in this moment.
i can see a lot of life in you, and i think the dress looks nice on you.

four months away.

In about four months, my brother Carter will marry Courtney, who has been around since I was in eighth grade... which means it's been nine plus years! Courtney is the closest thing to a sister that I've ever had, I guess? All this really means is that I have four months to start and finish their blanket. (I started this habit of making blankets for the brothers as they tied the knot... I still haven't even finished Adam and Jenn's!) Yikes.