lessons learned in a quarter century of life, fourteen of twentyfive.

communicating with inanimate objects (ie: cupcakes, clothing and hair) makes the world a happier place. and it mostly reminds me not to take myself so seriously.

lessons learned in a quarter century of life, thirteen of twentyfive.

balancing hope and my expectations is difficult.

especially when it comes to friendships.

lessons learned in a quarter century of life, twelve of twentyfive.

be prepared, be confident and realize there's [generally] no need to fear.

when i worked at the urban program we would have a person speak to the students about the importance of being safe in the city. this talk never got old to me; i loved every part of it. i think it was because so much of the message could be translated to tangible behaviors that i could accomplish: know my surroundings, have a plan, carry my cell phone, etc.

today when i walked through part of san francisco's public housing (aka the projects) where people don't look like me, talk like me, or have the same financial status as me, i was not scared. i didn't think to myself, "holy hell! i'm going to die here!" or even, "this is unsafe, i might get raped!" instead, i walked tall, knew my destination, had my cell phone in my pocket, my whistle (not even kidding) on my keychain close to my person, and had a plan. i also had realistic expectations: homeless people aren't going to hurt me, people who live in public housing aren't going to shoot me and i'm not going to be abducted by some crazy on the streets of san francisco.

now, i'm not saying none of this couldn't happen. and i'm not saying that it's not possible that i'm in the wrong place at the wrong time. i am, however, saying that i've learned to be street smart. i've learned to quiet my anxieties and be realistic. and i've figured out that there's generally no need to fear.

lessons learned in a quarter century of life, eleven of twentyfive.

feelings change like the weather. it's what you do with them that matters.

this relates to me as a christian, therapist, friend, and katz/smith/carter family member. actually, it relates to me as a human. and you, too.

lessons learned in a quarter century of life, ten of twentyfive.

the cost of making an effort far outweighs the enormity of doing nothing. (especially when it comes to voting!)

for me, an example of this would be taking part in the blog, "informed in 08" with five friends. we set out to research and become informed for the two thousand eight election year and i'd say we were pretty damn successful. it doesn't matter who we voted for or that one of us was a poll worker, it matters that we took the time to learn, engage and discuss our right as citizens in the united states.

i've always said i wouldn't date a non-voter. mark my words.

lessons learned in a quarter century of life, nine of twentyfive.

doing something as a side job because you're good at it is totally worth it... especially if the idea of doing it forever sounds awful. and if it means you get to bless dear friends in times of UTMOST STRESS. (fyi, if you didn't know, planning a wedding for some people can be equated with going to hell and back, twice.)

shout outs: yay for anna j, jenn k, leslie w, janelle s, julie y, and laura o getting married!

lessons learned in a quarter century of life, eight of twentyfive.

my siblings (and hopefully yours) will always have your back. blood really is thicker than water. [thanks boys!]

lessons learned in a quarter century of life, seven of twentyfive.

"don't let your school loans hold you back!"

i was told that in the midst of my extremely expensive private school education (who's a snooty white girl now?) and i'm doing my best to make ends meet. but i've made the conscious choice to not let my school loans defeat or paralyze me. the lesson is that my life cannot be controlled by my finances. especially because education really is the best investment you can ever make (a recession can take your house, but not your education!).

lessons learned in a quarter century of life, six of twentyfive.

i worry about the smaller things, never the big stuff. and i am sometimes defeated by this anxiety. the lesson is the coping skill i've learned: allow myself to be an external processor and surround myself with friends who are expert listeners and know the appropriate time to give unsolicited advice.

lessons learned in a quarter century of life, five of twentyfive.

different families have different rules.

i say this all the time to my clients and to myself. this was something i learned early on but it's the reality that there isn't one way to do family. (obvious, right? not always. if you're like me, it's easy to fit yourself into your own perception of an american dream.)