here's to.

letting an anteater eat yogurt from your palm.
being the kind of grown up who knows herself.
clementines with aunty em.
phone conversations in the middle of the party.
picking out the perfect bedding.

it's quiet here right now.

from last week- photo strip with my dear nephews, the source of laura and zack's wedding cake, the view on our walk toward mit, an appetizer with maggie and nick:


tonight i've had maggie's current favorite song, we found love by rihanna, on repeat. for no particular reason.

last week when i arrived home to sfo i saw a "welcome to san francisco" sign from the mayor, edward lee. in that moment i felt the familiarity of having a home, somewhere to belong, a place where i'm known. i don't know how to recreate that exact feeling but i know where to find it...

if you can't find me, i'll be at the airport.

when did it become the middle of december?

oh, at the same time that i vacationed to boston and chicago. and at the same time that my roommate got engaged. and when i became triple booked for holiday parties. and i had to get seventeen gift exchange gifts. welcome to the holidays.

two sundays in for advent, my favorite season of all. love.

i did not get an A in geography.

so st. louis is not in michigan. i know that and i knew that but it's not what came out of my mouth tonight. hilarious and embarrassing, all at once. my audience was shocked.

i tell you the above incident because i'm actually fine. the last post i wrote worried quite a few of you which resulted in my text limit being reached and me receiving two calls from my mother during the week (instead of the usual one). so here's what i have to report: i'm okay. last thursday was just one of those days that i don't want to re-live. and as humbling as it was to receive one lonely comment from my friend lesley, who these days knows all-to-well about days you don't want to re-live, it was a good reminder that i am a little bit sensitive and going through some well-needed change, and with that might come some drama. the end.

on a completely different note: i learned tonight that my dreams will come true in the next two years as i'm planning to attend a kennedy wedding. HOLD THE PHONE.

there are days that i never want to re-live.

today was one: tired eyes and crying eyes and did-i-really-just-come-home-to-that eyes and surprised eyes and confused eyes and sad eyes... really, really sad eyes.

i will write more when i have words. for now, i think i'll rest. my eyes.

three goals, ninetynine days and counting.

at the end of february twothousand eleven, di and i were walking from the theaters at yerba buena downtown. we had just passed mel's diner and i blurted out, "i'm making some goals, di... something tells me things are gonna be rough around these parts and i've gotta keep myself going. i've got three." she oooed and awwwed like she always does (good friend) and thought my goals were totally accomplishable. i've been hesitant to share them with you because it means i'm accountable to a lot more people than just di.

but today brings the days left from three digits to two... ninetynine days until they're due.

i gave myself threehundred and sixtyfive days to accomplish the following:

one- run another marathon. (completed on july 31! yahoo.)

two- pass my first (of two) mft exams. (gerry grossman, eat your heart out.)

three- sing a song in public. (song and venue chosen, exact date tbd. still practicing.)

there ya go. in writing, on the Internet, pressure's on. ready, go.

it's time to put my money where my mouth is.

and let my yes be yes and my no be no and really, i mean, really following through because more than anything, i need to stop torturing my friends. i'm making my clean getaway and because of it, maria taylor's song is stuck in my head:

I made my place by the door.
I didn't know what I was waiting for.
Felt just like home.
Except no grass, no yard, no pictures.

I could see across to the park.
And there were friends, they were laughing hard.
They looked just like my home.
With no face, no name, no voice I'd know.

I finally made it.
I made a clean getaway.
I finally made it.
I made a clean getaway.

I met someone at the bar.
He had a great smile and a great heart.
He felt just like love.
Except no fear of losing, and it wasn't tough.

I finally made it.
I made a clean getaway.
I finally made it.
I made a clean getaway.
And I miss you,
I miss you every single day.

twothousand twelve is going to be completely different... i mean, i hope to still find nerds in my keyboard at work, but it should just be less Crazy. that's what we're going for Party People: a little bit less Crazy. who's with me?!

it's the hap, happiest day of the year.

ELECTION DAY! hope you got your vote on.

wise wise words.

"it's not that you don't know what you want, emily. it's that you don't know what you deserve."

so i'm working on that... thinking about what i deserve and how i got to the place where i believe in half-assed relationships and constantly lowering my expectations. no good, no no good.

on a lighter note: i think if you get subpoenaed it should be license to purchase a new outfit. right? hello, law and order debut!

back in the saddle.

sometimes my roommates refer to a return-to-cycling-after-some-time-away as getting back in the saddle. when they do this, i feel a bit left out. there isn't a saddle with running... it's just me and some shoes. the phrase doesn't apply.

whatever. on saturday i felt like i was getting back in the saddle... the first long run since july thirtyfirst and i remembered all the good things about the way the process makes me feel: it's as if i'm achieving something, making it and moving forward. i feel empowered when i run. i get a little bit crazy and believe that i can do anything.

and as i think about this more, i've decided that i'm not going to get off the saddle (is it okay that i keep going with this?). my jobs are starting to settle, my feet are healthy again and my heart and mind aren't as crazy as they used to be.

there's no reason for a break, no reason at all. giddyup!