some "universal" rules on borrowing.

okay, so they aren't universal, but they damn well should be!

1. if you borrow someone's car, fill it up with more than what you found it with. don't leave money for them to go get gas, you are just being an inconvenience.
2. if you borrow something from someone, always return it with the exact same product, don't get something different (like cardboard instead of plastic-ouch!)
3. if you borrow someone's clothes, wash them before you return them. and make sure that you know how they would wash it- they might not use a dryer!
4. if you borrow someone's hair brush, remove your hair from the brush after you use it!

some might call me ocd/neurotic. i just like to think of myself as considerate?

my best friend.

my friend brett and i had an intense talk which led me to realize how incredible my best friend really is. sometimes when we are living in sin, things become so comfortable, and this can blind us. this might be bold, but i think it is a sin to live in community and not call each other out in our shit. just the other night brett called me out in my controlling behavior. the knot in my stomach rose to my throat, and once again it felt like a lump the size of a clementine. hearing the truth hurt so bad, but there was so much freedom in facing this truth and asking for help. redemption. grace.

what does any of this have to do with my best friend, carissa? you see, carissa isn't a "christian" according to the church's standards; she does lots of things that i would consider "tangible" sin. she might fill out the christian bubble under the religion section on the sats or go to church on easter, but according to what the bible refers to as the world, well, that's carissa. but here's the kicker (what's a kicker, and why do i say/type that?) carissa is the one who says to me, "emily quit judging her. quit being jealous. quit being selfish." she calls me out. she wants to see me grow. she wants to make me a better person. she loves me, with out conditions. how is it that the one who would be considered the orphan, the prostitute, the homeless (carissa) really has it so right where as me, well, i just have it wrong. doesn't this seem so odd? the self-proclaimed christian, me, doesn't know how to love and she does. wow, i really have a lot to learn from her. thank you God, for carissa.

fast weekend.

so. i graduated this weekend. from college. wow. during the actual ceremony i kept asking myself, "is anyone going to clap for me?" i had this fear that as spencer announced my name no one would clap or say anything. i don't know why i do this to myself. it happens often. randomly i get the thought, if i died right now, would people attend my funeral? where does this weird fear come from? it is probably not healthy.

since thursday, at senior celebration, leaving westmont became a reality. though, i never felt like a senior this whole year; being in florence and then not being a student and now being staff kind of swallowed ever letting me be a senior. someone i work with said, "i didn't realize you were a senior- congratulations on graduating"

anyway, anna, janelle and i are all moved in- it's a lot of fun. janelle and anna love doing dishes and i think that is fantastic. they also are planning meals for the week. mom's in progress or what.

i think i want a dog. but now is not the right time.

what is going to happen in september? help.

best & worst... ?

i can't figure out what the best day of my life has been. i also can't figure out what the worst day of my life has been. maybe they haven't happened yet? but, it seems like they should have happened. i mean, i have to have had one of each because i have lived 21 years of life. is the best day supposed to be the day that i get married..if i get married? or if i ever have kids? what if none of those things ever happen, will i have not had a best day of my life? i have a lot of good days, and great days, and unforgettable days.... but i'm not sure that i can name one particular day as the best... or worst. was the worst when i confessed my love for a boy and got rejected? or when my mom was so disappointed in me that i had terrible cramps and a lump in my throat for more than 36 hours? actually, that never happened, so it can't be a non existent day. was the worst day a day that i was depressed? will the worst day be when someone dies?

do i have to have a best and worst day?