for you, the one who is cold.

we will hold you
a little bit closer tonight.

we will close our eyes
and think of your heart break.

we will make attempts
to balance our anger with grace.

we will shed a tear with you,
pleading for peace.

we will tell you we're proud,
you're present and in it.

we will hold your hands
and warm you up.

we will love you.

unknown.

who is responsible for this hands-shaped-heart billboard? i've seen it in three different locations in san francisco. there is no sponsor or words.

the first run in twentyfive days.

it's today. there's nothing i've been looking forward to more. my subluxed cuboid [bone] was "put back in place" by my physical therapist and i've [finally] been cleared to run. note to the world: don't let your cuboid get subluxed; the process of putting it back is absolutely dreadful.

to the doctor who told me nothing was wrong: this run is for you.

jcrew catalogs and phone dates, completely unrelated.

let's start with part of an email a few of us received which included a rant about phone dates and made me spit out my water:

"Because the phrase "phone date" isn't cute.... or clever. Because the time you spend talking about your "phone date" and planning and scheduling your "phone date" via gchat, or someones facebook wall, you could have just picked up the damn phone and either REACHED that person or left a voicemail... (insert rant about sometimes technology makes everything hard and humans are dumb) But instead everyone's running around talking about maybe talking at some point which is really a disguise for, 'I don't really have time for this friendship, but I'm compulsive and feel guilty and at least if I talk about talking to you I won't feel so bad about not being to keep up a relationship with my 800 friends on facebook.' the end."


let's end with a shallow announcement from me: i love jcrew catalog day. every time it arrives, i rush to my phone, only to call leanne.

me: have you been home yet? it came today.
leanne: i love that catalog. i wish i lived in one. they look like they're having so much fun.

hats off to you, jcrew, for giving leanne and me so much joy. and for selling the shoes i've been looking for for the last three years. you can have my money. all of it.

growing older.

it's been ten days since i ran a marathon.

there's something magical that happens when i know what to expect: the pounding on the pavement mile after mile, the hills i've run before, the trees of the presidio, the big orange bridge against the dark grey sky... all of it. it's the intensity of what my body can do when i push myself, when i get motivated, when i say a little prayer and remind myself that i will run and not grow weary.

i don't know why i started running these marathons (whoa! plural!). that's not true, i know exactly why: i prepared for both marathons when i wanted to put myself into Forward Motion; to move out of a rut and into something beautiful. to force myself to work against my odds.

i started training for the san francisco back at the end of february and didn't advertise it (unlike me)... it was the foreshadowing of my reality that i would soon be hurting; an active effort to take care of myself. when i ran twentyfour a month before the race, i decided it was time to officially sign up, as well as ask some important people what i needed: their support throughout the course.

to the nineteen of you who showed up- abbey, mark, lauren, nathan, julie, adam, mom, frank, diane, kim, bonnie, kate, bill, kimberly, leanne, laurel, kristy, alex, jess and kyle, i absolutely could not have run the race if i didn't have your face to look forward to. the cheering and signs and team em shirts and running along side me; it's the only way i was able to finish. i took a risk and asked for what i needed and you showed up. thank you.

people tell me they're super impressed and they could "never do it." i generally don't think any of that's true. i think they just don't want to do it. the race itself is not [as] hard [as one would think], it's the five months of dedication and focus that's difficult. and honestly, i think anything is possible if you're not doing it alone.

i'm pleased with the length of time it took me to finish the race, the way my body has mostly recovered (minus the xray and possible stress fracture) and the satisfaction i have with completing another, knowing it wasn't a fluke thing in december and that i can actually do it again and again if i want to. overall, this race was a hugely positive experience.

...pressing in, pressing on. preparing for toronto as a guide!

to know me is to know i get song lyrics wrong. all the time.

and when that happens, i'll confidently make up the lyrics. [and sometimes i get caught.]

i had the recent realization that it's not "everybody plays the flute" and it's actually "everybody plays the fool" by aaron neville. all these years...

and i think this is similar to my life: sometimes if i'm getting it wrong, i'll confidently pretend like i'm getting it right. [until i get caught.] i'm all about faking it til i make it, for now, at least.

i'm going to go play the flute.

some of them look like they belong in a dr. seuss book.

the dahlias are in full bloom at golden gate park.

go, have a peak.