flying in space shuttles.

to know me is to know that when i get (or am a part of) an idea i'm really excited about, i can quickly become attached and fixated on the implementation plan. i begin dreaming and researching and planning. sometimes it even takes over my life enough that i'm caused to make up work hours late into the evening. let's just say that when i'm in it, my loyalty kicks in and i'm gonna win it. sometimes this can result in being seen as inflexible.

and him, the one who has my heart, he brings me to relax. he reminds me- without audibly saying it- to take big deep breaths. it's the look he gives or the question he asks that allows me to be me- the one who is driven and dependable and faithful- but sometimes inflexible.

sometimes i imagine this process like taking flight. but not just on an airplane, more like on a space shuttle from some nasa launch pad; it's like the flames are coming out from underneath me and there's no stopping: it is what it is, i am what i am, green means go. but then there's him, the one who knows me. how he gets me to return to earth, back to the reality of a life dashed with a little ambiguity, i don't always know. he asks me, without asking me, to remember i can be inflexible.

it's almost that these ideas and my excitement are fulfilled because of an anxiety that propels me to do, make, get. and sometimes that's okay. but this isn't wise or leading me toward the path of wisdom. accepting this piece of me is good, but knowing my weakness is even better, recognizing i am inflexible.

so this is to being known in a deep way; to surrounding myself with grace and gentleness and learning how to be less anxious. to getting ideas and thinking instead of reacting. to researching without stubbornness. to not getting hope mixed up with determination. here is to being with someone who allows me to be me but helps me to be flexible.

here's to being wise about really big decisions. and safely coming back to earth in my space shuttle.