these questions are not meant to be answered.

i wonder what it feels like to be oscar's mom? or sister.
i wonder what it would've been like to be on bart that new year's day.
and i wonder what it feels like to be johannes' family. or johannes himself.
what does it mean to be a police officer in oakland?
what about to just live in oakland?
what would i think if the fruitvale station was my stop?
would the verdict be different if their races were switched?
or what if the trial was held somewhere else?
or if there was someone african american on the jury?
what if i were the judge?

my heart feels heavy but i will continue to live in the questions.

the grief, the loss- it's astounding.
this bay area, this is my community.