thoughts on growing up.

over the years i thought i'd figured out what it meant to be a "grown up"; something about paying my own bills and having a salaried position. and then i was unpleasantly welcomed into last week where i realized i actually had no idea what it meant to be an adult, a real life grown up.

i'm realizing that being a grown up is determined by experiences like babies and sickness and depression and heart ache and death. life is taking me to a place where i have to respond to these things and i keep experiencing resistance; a soft voice inside whines, "but i don't want to grow up. it's tiring to show up for these things."

i don't remember growing pains as a teenager and i never thought i'd experience them in my twenties. but damn, this hurts like hell. i'll continue to quiet that small voice and keep pressing in, pressing on.