what's your secret?

I recently purchased a coffee table book, which by the way, is quite funny since I don't drink coffee nor do I have a table to place this book. I do like coffee cake, however. Maybe I can make a coffee cake table.

Anyway, the book... it is called Post Secret and my friend Laura had it at her house. I immediately went down to Borders in Capitola (when Anna and I were visiting Janelle) and purchased this magnificent piece of art.

It is extraordinary confessions from ordinary lives; basically this man, Frank Warren, had an idea to pass out post cards with the hope that people would anonymously send them back to him with a secret and a dash of creativity. He was successful.

postsecret.com

i am my mother.

grrrrrr.

scene: family, sitting at the dinner table. we probably just finished the meal and the slowest eater just put down their fork and their plate is already taken from them. heck, everyone's plates are already taken from them and the food is cleared, dishes have already been rinsed and are all in the dish washer.

"mom, sit down!" she keeps going. she can't relax until everything is clean.

i used to be the one, chiming in with the brothers, telling her to sit down. the tables have turned. (i don't so much know what that phrase really means, but used literally- it's not that great)

at the end of dinners with friends, i am the one clearing away and i get this restless feeling and i need to do something. i can't relax, just like her.

i hate this about my mom and now i hate this about myself. shit.

cousins & brothers

my three brothers & papa.
they went fishing for adam's
bachelor party.










at my brother's wedding-
my two favorite cousins:
(11 months) and sofia (4).











ella loves beer. yikes.

moving.

i am off to san francisco at the end of august. see you later santa barbara.

i am going to be the ra at the san francisco urban program.

301 lyon street. hoooooray!

pp = portland pictures.

the following are lisa and me having too much fun at her and chase's apartment; us again in p-land; fallen leaf lake at sunset- brett and i stopped to visit zack on the drive back to sb; zack, me, and brett at the water falls of fallen leaf lake.

willy the giraffe.

so yesterday i had the opportunity to work for yifat oren (orenevents.com), an event coordinator from la. probably the best wedding that i have ever attended; gospel choir, willy the giraffe, malibu, amazing food. working with yifat was incredible, i learned so much... i was totally in my element, i loved every moment of the evening.

w...h...y

It has become increasingly more apparent that I am just now figuring out this thing called being a Christian. I am starting to live out the questions that I have and actually seek to find answers. Brett, Sarah, Zack and I have talked more about being a fundamental Christian than I ever have in my entire life. Brett and I were both brought up that way; he definitely isn't "into" it anymore, and well, me... I'm still just trying to figure it out. Why am I a "fundamental" Christian on a "Jesus movement"? Because that was how I was raised or because I really have taken time to think out issues in regards to Christianity. Definitely the first option. A lot of it has to do with my brother, Daniel, who I am so used to following and not questioning anything he does. I have all of these convictions, but I'm not too sure where they've come from or why I think this, that or the other thing. I just do. And to me, that is becoming an answer that is not good enough. I just do. Please, Emily, you are ridiculous. For example, I think to myself, why do I think abortion (or fill in the blank) is wrong? I just do. Nope, that doesn't cut it. I want to have answers and have thought these things out, and after that, I want to live these things out. In the case of abortion, that might look like adopting children one day, among other things. I guess I am just sick and tired of just thinking things because I always have, and not questioning anything. Anyway, the point is, I have a long journey ahead of me that seems like it could be pretty fun/hard creating.

My friend Ryan has a best friend from home who I have been around a few times over the past 2 years, his name is Casey. My encounters with Casey have somehow revolved around me asking him what he got for Christmas (he's Jewish), and laughing because he is a pretty funny, energetic guy. Well, yesterday, Casey and I got to talking about why I believe in God and in exchange I asked him why not; he thinks it is easier for me to ask why not. No one has ever asked me that. Ever. Pretty odd, huh? I've been a Christian for five years now and I've never been asked why. Not even by myself. Stupid, stupid me. The question of why (or why not) doesn't just have to be about God, it could be about anything really. Why is the sky blue? It just is, Emily, it just is. I'm so sick of settling for that damn answer. It's not good enough. Anything like that- small or big. So this is my new thing, asking why. And not like the 3 year old who is asking why he has to go to bed or the 4 year old asking where babies come from and then following the answer up with WHY. I dread that day. Well, actually, it could be fun. HA! Anyway, Casey isn't sure what he believes, but he knows that he is much more about reasoning rather than feeling. And well, according to Meyers Briggs, I'm a feeler. How do I become a reasoner? Is that an option? I know that I will learn a lot from him, he is breaking my stereotype of people in general...I love this.