w...h...y

It has become increasingly more apparent that I am just now figuring out this thing called being a Christian. I am starting to live out the questions that I have and actually seek to find answers. Brett, Sarah, Zack and I have talked more about being a fundamental Christian than I ever have in my entire life. Brett and I were both brought up that way; he definitely isn't "into" it anymore, and well, me... I'm still just trying to figure it out. Why am I a "fundamental" Christian on a "Jesus movement"? Because that was how I was raised or because I really have taken time to think out issues in regards to Christianity. Definitely the first option. A lot of it has to do with my brother, Daniel, who I am so used to following and not questioning anything he does. I have all of these convictions, but I'm not too sure where they've come from or why I think this, that or the other thing. I just do. And to me, that is becoming an answer that is not good enough. I just do. Please, Emily, you are ridiculous. For example, I think to myself, why do I think abortion (or fill in the blank) is wrong? I just do. Nope, that doesn't cut it. I want to have answers and have thought these things out, and after that, I want to live these things out. In the case of abortion, that might look like adopting children one day, among other things. I guess I am just sick and tired of just thinking things because I always have, and not questioning anything. Anyway, the point is, I have a long journey ahead of me that seems like it could be pretty fun/hard creating.

My friend Ryan has a best friend from home who I have been around a few times over the past 2 years, his name is Casey. My encounters with Casey have somehow revolved around me asking him what he got for Christmas (he's Jewish), and laughing because he is a pretty funny, energetic guy. Well, yesterday, Casey and I got to talking about why I believe in God and in exchange I asked him why not; he thinks it is easier for me to ask why not. No one has ever asked me that. Ever. Pretty odd, huh? I've been a Christian for five years now and I've never been asked why. Not even by myself. Stupid, stupid me. The question of why (or why not) doesn't just have to be about God, it could be about anything really. Why is the sky blue? It just is, Emily, it just is. I'm so sick of settling for that damn answer. It's not good enough. Anything like that- small or big. So this is my new thing, asking why. And not like the 3 year old who is asking why he has to go to bed or the 4 year old asking where babies come from and then following the answer up with WHY. I dread that day. Well, actually, it could be fun. HA! Anyway, Casey isn't sure what he believes, but he knows that he is much more about reasoning rather than feeling. And well, according to Meyers Briggs, I'm a feeler. How do I become a reasoner? Is that an option? I know that I will learn a lot from him, he is breaking my stereotype of people in general...I love this.