goodbye, 2009.

my year in review:

i went to the sugar shack. and to israel, in the middle of a war. i hit a person in a crosswalk. well, her suitcase. i saw wicked. i was completely overwhelmed in life. i went to tahoe with my family and brought the roommates. i worked with late age adults and at a pace program. i interviewed and got a job with kids. i started sharing what i'd learned about dementia. i traveled to chicago with my mom and we saw oprah. i saw some good movies like paper heart and away we go. i thought a lot about feeling exactly what i'm feeling. and giving "strong" people a break. i made bread. and i baked and baked and baked. but only until july. i met a grouch. i spent easter in yosemite, again. i got to be in julie and nathan's wedding. i worked at usf. i heard sam beam live, again. i said goodbye to dan. i said no more to my easy availability and you who freely takes. i threw the best three day birthday party. i voted in may. and november. lisa and chase came home. lisa came to visit. we swung on swings. i went sharking and the fish left the sea. we tried again in september and had success. i graduated with a masters degree and impaled myself. i made my own big girl car purchase. i had a very bad night on may twentyeighth. and redemption occurred on june eighteenth. i drank a lot of wine with five sixths of the informed ladies. kristy and alex came to visit, twice. i went to a few weddings: micah and cg, zack and laura, julie and nathan, brett and janelle, chris and tim. i rode in a hot air balloon. dwight talked to me. i realized that i love the contemplative tasks at martin's. i became not-the-youngest at martin's. i went camping in santa barbara with my family. i said goodbye to al; oh what a terrible day that was. aiden and maddy were born. miles arrived. i got officially licensed as an intern. barb died. i went to san diego for italian food. i became pretty good at the neutral face. i traveled to kansas city. i experienced true fear in november. we visited keith and leslie in napa. i joined yutes. i rode a trolley with the yutes. sean came to town. i went to the sugar shack, again. and i realized i have some intense allergies.

and that's normally where i end with these recaps. but this year has been different in all the years i've been writing on this thing so it calls for an addendum: two thousand nine can be separated into distinct halves... school / graduated. working for free / getting paid. joy / loss. but if there's one thing that was constant through the entire year, it was the wisdom and loyalty of three friends who prayed for me when i had no energy to pray for myself. these were friends who allowed me to question; what does it mean to be good enough? they reminded me to sit in my pain and not know the answers, caring for me as i consistently lost control and adjusted my expectations. and they held me when i realized it was about me and they reminded me when it wasn't. and if there's one life lesson that i am continuously reminding myself, it's that i can't change you; i can only change myself.

goodbye two thousand and nine; i'm indifferent toward leaving you.