drinking the kool-aid.

i'm currently in two eight month intensive trainings; one focusing on trauma for kids aged zero to five and one focused on family therapy... i get to do therapy behind a one-way mirror for some of these trainings and last night was my green light! i almost puked.

it's hard to explain, the feeling of sitting in the therapist's chair, while everyone else is watching you. specifically, they were crying and so was the family i was working with. i, on the other hand, felt nothing... numb. so focused on my every word, every reaction. helping them to heal.

and i had this moment... this realization and pause of clarity as i witnessed healing and helped to facilitate redemption... as much as i was anxious and unsure of my own capabilities, i got to be part of holding a family's pain and joy; their process, not so much their content.

we see abuse and we run. we see addiction and we run. we see mental health diagnosis and we run. cps! cps! it's unsafe here. but, (and this is where i drink PP's kool-aid) what about family? what about the bond that no one can break, regardless of whose roof is over their heads? how do we facilitate change within families, rather than increase the separation? these questions beg my attention.

i came home super late and i poured myself a glass of wine and sat on the small couch by the windows, the one in the shadows. twentysix minutes passed before i had a human interaction. later i was called down the hall and learned a little bit more about emotional safety, the kind where you don't need words, only the space to just be.

grateful.