goodbye, 2011.

at the beginning of this year i wrote here that this would be "my year."

looking back, i'm not quite sure what i meant by that, or even what my expectations were. i think because twentyseven is my favorite number i hoped this year would offer something completely spectacular... that everything would be good all the time. wrong.

turns out twothousand eleven offered the highest highs and lowest lows and that made for an interesting year. i experienced new joys and sorrows which expanded my view and capacity to understand myself and those around me. i am grateful for this year, as difficult as it's been to move forward, though.

looking back... this year i took a trip to pasadena, asher joined our family, i took some trips to sugar bowl, i celebrated lauren's birthday in yountville, i got a promotion, wine night started, my best friend got engaged, john from martin's died, i traveled to santa barbara for becky's bachelorette, i finished my session with braces, becky got married, my romantic relational shit hit the fan, i joined a running club, i read a lot of poetry, i found a new therapist, i started working at a restaurant, i went to tahoe for wimberly's bachelorette, i made some pies, i ran another marathon, i walked beside a friend who was misdiagnosed, i went to the engstrom's in santa cruz, i went on a cruise with my family in alaska, my dad got sick, my mft hours got approved, i went back to santa barbara, kyle and i had a birthday party, kiah and anna got mason and some of us threw a little party, i had an incredible birthday week, leanne and dave got hitched, i went to boston and chicago, and my family came to town for christmas. it was a really good year.

what i'm most proud of, though, is the work i've been doing on my own, for myself: connecting the dots of my story and understanding the impacts of my decisions. i'm learning how to take care of myself better and ask for what i need, which i may have learned the hard way, but i'm glad it's a process that's part of my life right now. i'm hopeful that i'll continue to find my voice, listen to myself and increase my courage along the way.

goodbye twothousand eleven, it was another bittersweet year.

the lives they lived.

with ira glass guest editing for the new york times magazine, his crew put together stories about ordinary people... it's nice to read these.

the most intriguing for me: grete waltz, nate dogg, and jack lalanne,



thanks for passing it on, mom!

here's to.

letting an anteater eat yogurt from your palm.
being the kind of grown up who knows herself.
clementines with aunty em.
phone conversations in the middle of the party.
picking out the perfect bedding.

it's quiet here right now.

from last week- photo strip with my dear nephews, the source of laura and zack's wedding cake, the view on our walk toward mit, an appetizer with maggie and nick:


tonight i've had maggie's current favorite song, we found love by rihanna, on repeat. for no particular reason.

last week when i arrived home to sfo i saw a "welcome to san francisco" sign from the mayor, edward lee. in that moment i felt the familiarity of having a home, somewhere to belong, a place where i'm known. i don't know how to recreate that exact feeling but i know where to find it...

if you can't find me, i'll be at the airport.

when did it become the middle of december?

oh, at the same time that i vacationed to boston and chicago. and at the same time that my roommate got engaged. and when i became triple booked for holiday parties. and i had to get seventeen gift exchange gifts. welcome to the holidays.

two sundays in for advent, my favorite season of all. love.

i did not get an A in geography.

so st. louis is not in michigan. i know that and i knew that but it's not what came out of my mouth tonight. hilarious and embarrassing, all at once. my audience was shocked.

i tell you the above incident because i'm actually fine. the last post i wrote worried quite a few of you which resulted in my text limit being reached and me receiving two calls from my mother during the week (instead of the usual one). so here's what i have to report: i'm okay. last thursday was just one of those days that i don't want to re-live. and as humbling as it was to receive one lonely comment from my friend lesley, who these days knows all-to-well about days you don't want to re-live, it was a good reminder that i am a little bit sensitive and going through some well-needed change, and with that might come some drama. the end.

on a completely different note: i learned tonight that my dreams will come true in the next two years as i'm planning to attend a kennedy wedding. HOLD THE PHONE.

there are days that i never want to re-live.

today was one: tired eyes and crying eyes and did-i-really-just-come-home-to-that eyes and surprised eyes and confused eyes and sad eyes... really, really sad eyes.

i will write more when i have words. for now, i think i'll rest. my eyes.