i'm not even that busy.

but i am.

i have a lot of calls to return:
becky, lori, lisa, jenn, anna, janelle, michele, sara, carissa, allison, rachel, renee. crap. that is so many.

i really am busy, but in a weird way. the good news is that my schedule is all set for work/urban/school:
mondays: work 730-430
tuesdays: work 7-3, school 345-615
wednesdays: work 7-3, school 345-615*
thursdays: work 7-3, school 345-615
fridays: work 730-430
saturdays: switches every other- work 8-5 or off
sundays: off!
*if i work on a saturday then i have the previous wednesday off for staff meeting from 11-1. plus all the time with students/elvis.

just looking at that gives me a headache. but i know it will work. i'm not a quitter. i'm too loyal to quit.

retail therapy for my mom on sunday. she's doing better, but it's still hard. she says "at least i have my health. and four wonderful children, three daughters-in-law, two grandbabies and parents who love me. and of course, two amazing sisters."

i was going on dates with this guy recently. but it ended. it's good that it ended, but here's the kicker: we really enjoy each others company. so, friends we are.

right now i'm listening to "the underwood typewriter" by fionn regan- recommended by paste magazine. thanks, paste. sounds like teitur. mmmmmm.

my latest itunes purchase: renee & jeremy (kids lullaby songs... did i already tell you about them? they're great.)

work update: my boss is really strange, but great at the same time. he's super flexible with me and doesn't micro-manage me. i like working for him because it's more like working with him; he really trusts me and he lets me be goofy (ask adam bailon, i'm funny at work- we worked together last summer). the two big things happening at work in august are inventory and a release that i will be teaching to THE WHOLE STORE. it will be groups of 25, but still... 500 register users divided by 25 per class equals teaching 20 classes. holy smokes. august is going to be CRAZY.

my cosmetics manager hooked me up. i got some new face products and she threw in the free gifts from lancome and estee lauder (go to the anniversary sale if you need new cosmetics... it ends this sunday!). here are my new favorite products which i fully recommend: leaf & rusher green tea face wash and philosophy hope in a jar moisturizer.

did i tell you i got offered a permanent position at work? well, i did. and... i took it. under the circumstance that they could accommodate my school schedule. as you can tell from above, they are going to...

vegas this weekend with the fam. super excited. i can already hear it "don't gamble what you can't afford to lose!" so.. i won't be gambling. fun because i just saw the fam and i love spending time with them.

took the other favorite cousin shopping for her birthday. it's in september but the anniversary sale isn't in september so birthday shopping a month early will have to do. she loved it. to be nine again...

okkervil river show on september 5. excited!

i cannot wait to be .t.w.e.n.t.y.t.h.r.e.e.

i really need to check things off my to-do list. quite a few things have been accomplished.

elvis is BIG. okay, not that big, but he doesn't have any more fleas and he went from .47 to .68 in two weeks. i can't remember what the measurement was.. shoot. not kilos and not pounds. hmm. whatever it is, he weighs almost two pounds. dr. clyons says i'm doing a good job but i need to get another kitten for him to have a playmate while i'm gone from 6-6ish. i think my room is too small, what do you think? pictures of his growth soon. tonight he scared the shit out of me as he went on the roof and wouldn't come down. not okay, elvis, not okay. punk terrorist kitten.

looking to buy a scooter. it would be super efficient with all the new happenings in my life.

goodnight. i have to work at 7, which means i have to leave by 630 which means i have to set my alarm for 530 so i can push snooze twice to finally get up by 550.

c&c wedding recap.

thursday: flight to san diego, beach, rehearsal dinner.
friday: breakfast with the family, helped courtney get ready, wedding extravaganza!
saturday: horse races, dinner with the family.
sunday: flew home with riley, jenn & adam. went straight to work...

carter & courtney

courtney's beautiful gown

first dance

the girl cousins (nikki 13, emma 9, me, tess 10, kylie 1.5, sophia 5)

my mom and cousin kylie

beautiful sister-in-law, jenn

sophia loves nachos

my dad with grandson, riley

double trouble.

riley on the left and samuel on the right.

still alive.

exhausted. wedding details to come. day off tomorrow.

happy birthday to my dear friend, anna jordan. i love you.

anniversary sale.

work has been absolutely crazy because friday is my employer's biggest shopping day of the year. my store is expected to do 3.3 million and we are doing everything possible to prepare... being on the support side of things means trouble shooting and working ten hours today.

coincidentally, my brother chose to get married on this big shopping day.. so i'm leaving for san diego from work tomorrow. looking forward to:

seeing courtney and carter get dressed up and kiss (after ten years of being together!)
meeting my newest nephew: sam!
extended family and the dance floor.

in the mean time, dillon and dan will be taking care of elvis. dillon doesn't like cats, but he met elvis and really likes him. maybe elvis can change how dillon feels about felines.

my new boss started today...more thoughts on this at a later date. let's just say he's definitely not like my old boss. i am so not in kansas anymore.

listening to: eef barzelay

that's it.. i'm selling my car.

last week:
the car service light went on so i did my homework... called ten different volvo mechanics in the city to ask for a quote on a 90k mile service. the cheapest was $530. soooo expensive but i didn't have a ton of options.

7:25am:
i dropped my car off on my way to work so i was wearing a dress and heals, which is never a good idea when walking into a mechanic shop. i always get the "she knows nothing about cars / we should take advantage of her" look.

12:40pm:
[the expected mid afternoon call]
"it will be another $150 for x, y, and z."
"hmm. and this is absolutely necessary?"
"yes, mam!"
"okay... i guess. go for it."

around 5:20pm:
i rush to pick up my car and the mechanic was clearly on his way out. usually i get some sort of chatty character telling me about what they did and why it costs so much, etc etc. nope, none of that. as i'm walking to my car i say "did you notice anything wrong when you start the car? cause sometimes it takes me a while to start it... i'm not sure if it's the battery?" [some questions and answers were asked here but i don't remember them...] then he responds, "oh no it wouldn't be the battery. but if it gets worse, make an appointment and come back and see us." "okay, thanks so much!" and i drive away really thinking "thanks so much for taking $700 out of my wallet that i never really had in the first place. grrrr."

5:30pm:
i park on the street and run into petco to get elvis some dry food. the vet said he can have "baby cat" brand food. cute, huh? okay, not really but everything about this little guy is cute.

5:42pm:
i put my key in the ignition and nothing. my car doesn't start. [FREAK OUT. ANGER. (in an actually calm, unlike emily way. i'm really maturing, i think to myself at one point.)]

5:43pm:
i call my only friend in the city who has a car but he's working until 8pm. tears start coming down and i'm so frustrated. then i had to call and cancel my personal training appointment, which by the way, i was actually looking forward to. and then, from here on out, all i could think about was my hungry kitten and how i couldn't get home to feed him.

6:32pm:
AAA finally comes. "that will be $140 for a new battery. but, between you and me, you can go two blocks up the street and get a battery for half the price." "really?! and then i can give you twenty bucks to put it in for me?" "yes, mam! just go get the battery and meet me back here in twenty minutes. i have to go change a tire for someone up the street." "okay!"

6:47pm:
"the total for your battery with tax comes to $116.09" "you have got to be kidding me?" [$116.09 + the twenty i'm about to give the AAA guy = saving me $3.91!!!!!!!!!!!] "no, but if you bring in your dead battery, i can give you ten bucks back." "okay" i say in a molly-mopes-a-lot way. "did you need some help out to your car?" "no, i can handle it" [never having lifted a car battery before] he laughed at me and gave me the "i've gotta see this" look. of course, i couldn't carry it to the cash register so i arranged to pick it up in ten.

6:58pm:
call to my brother who, of course, says he'll put in my car battery in exchange for nothing. he loves his poor little sister.

7:01pm:
"sorry larry, my brother says i have to save my money and let him put in my battery. can i have a jump so i can get home?" "of course, but know that those high heals are going to only get you so far in life." [what the hell does that mean?!] i awkwardly laugh and say thanks...

7:16pm:
as i am turning left to pull into my driveway the car dies. i'm in the middle of the road. one of the people working on the house has to jump the car, not once but twice and it never really makes it in the garage.

7:44pm:
one of the ukrainian painter boys comes out and changes the battery and goes on and on about how i was ripped off and should get my money back [all this in a thick accent]. i tried to tell him he wasn't helping, in a nice way of course.

7:52pm:
elvis finally gets fed.

$816.09 later...

lazy sunday.

hung out on lower haight with frank and john (friends from work).
napped with elvis.
cleaned my room.

elvis on my computer:

hanging out in the pillows:

i've fallen for him. the kitten, that is.

i'm doing this crazy cleanse that my mom and aunt did. pretty much no caffeine, sugar, or processed anything. it's a lot more complex than that, so we'll see how it goes.

the kitty has a name: elvis! he just had some de-worm medicine, so i'm watching very closely to make sure he is nearby the litterbox until it happens. yikes.

a trip to the papersource today was fabulous. quite possibly my favorite store in the city.

five days until the wedding extravaganza begins!

dodger fun.

my employer owns ten seats at at&t park, home of the giants. well, lucky for me i work with some sweet people. jason, my logistics manager, gave me his giants v. dodger tickets and i brought my brother, a huge dodger fan. great seats and a great win from LA: 9-1!

here is a message from kitty (who remains nameless): rd ppp-[hkiiisodf SASDAFHOLO;']]\\/.,lkjkjkijknmmbhgyhb hgfh cbvcs

name ideas.

elvis
calvin
jet
simon
gator
benny

my little guy needs a name! pronto!

vampires.

i was so frustrated this evening. let me rewind... i took the kitten to the spca and they checked him out... four weeks old and a boy (she thinks, she wasn't 100% sure..what?!), no fever, but he has FLEAS, also known as little jerk vampires. her specific instructions were to wash the baby with dawn dish washer soap, and to not use flea shampoo but use a flea comb. here's the thing: flea combs suck. i tried it and almost cried because i kept getting him wet and washing him and then would discover tons more little jerks behind his ears. so i did exactly what the aide said not to do: washed him with flea shampoo. the bottle even says: "not for use on animals under twelve weeks." wooops. i was too frustrated. he seems fine and the vampires are gone for the most part. yikes. if i kill this kitty, i can never trust myself to have children.

some big things happened today.

0. michele mollkoy turned young, and she is HOT.
1. i rescued a kitten. i think it's a boy. here are my name ideas: oliver, franklin, theodore, kennedy, gus, rosco, harry, or larry. thoughts?
2. i called usf and said i would be attending this fall. as in, 43 days... holy smokes, i'm crazy, but super excited. so much to learn. as chris would say, "education is the best investment."

the nameless kitty:

sofia in her new pink dress:

my other favorite cousin, tess:

pink for the five year old.

my brother, adam, has been saying "i love you" at the end of our phone conversations. it makes me smile, especially because he is the least likely of the brothers to say those three words to the sister. everytime he says it i immediately think of all the siblings (brothers & sisters-in-law) and the song "orange sky" by alexi murdoch.

dillon and dan moved closer to me! it's still a few miles away but it is in such a prime location: on 18th between mission and valencia in a two bedroom flat. it definitely feels more "san francisco." love it.

last night was fun: borders in the magazine section for a couple hours. extreme pizza and cherry pie added to the fun, along with long discussions on the meaning of love and life (clearly neither of us know the answers).

tomorrow is sofia's birthday... she is one of my favorite cousins so i decided she would celebrate in style: a new birthday dress and shoes, her pick. of course we went to nordstrom where she found the perfect pink dress, pink headband, pink necklace, and pink converse (with sparkles). tomorrow we will all eat together and she will blow out five candles. oh, to be five again.


while at nordstrom i found these-- they are for sam & riley. i know they are going to grow out of them in 2.3 days but i couldn't help myself.



my grandparents are moving and i freaked out when i heard the news. they live in kauai and yes, i am bummed that they are leaving the garden island but seeing them once, maybe twice a year for the last ten years has not been sufficient. oh yeah, the good news is that they are moving to the bay area! both my grandparents have retired before, but somehow they both started working again. this time my grandma is really calling it quits... her last day as director of kauai hospice will be december 31, 2007. all this just goes to show that you can be in a beautiful place but if you aren't with the people you love the most, then it might not be worth it. i can't wait for them to be near.

yep, it's friday at 8:21.

disclaimer: no questions, phone calls, emails or comments about this post. okay? good.

rejection always hurts. it doesn't matter what form it comes in, it just hurts. for me, it burns a little bit and puts a clementine sized lump in my throat. it makes me want to take a walk and eat by myself while listening to sappy songs on my ipod. it also makes me miss my bus stop. it even keeps me home on a friday night.

let's talk about age for a second. who determined what "25" or "49" looks like? who determined what it means? i hate that person. whoever made this decision, i hope you're reading because i hate you. you make things difficult for me in the work place, romantically, and in general. carissa says age doesn't matter in anything, but society disagrees with her. i want to agree with you, cj, but i have too much of myself in society. i wish i was stronger like you.

i am learning a few different things right now. here's a summary:
1. if someone makes me feel beautiful, i lose sight of what i see as ugly. 2. if i have to keep it a secret, it's probably not a good idea. 3. i am a big follower when it comes to romance. almost chameleon like; not good. in february i was curious about birds and was a hopeless romantic, in june i was crazy about sudoku. truth is i hate pigeons and romantic gestures don't do that much for me. oh yeah, and sudoku is alright.

who am i? where am i going? what am i doing here?
perhaps the reason so many people don't know me is
because i don't even know me.

3-4-5 july

i left work early on tuesday and drove down to visalia. i am not a good long distance driver: i almost die everytime. seriously. i fall asleep at the wheel; not a good idea. my remedy is talking on the phone...

once i got to visalia, carissa, shonna, katie, sarah and i got ready and went to the cellar door. i saw so many people that i didn't recognize but i should have recognized. ooops. we had quite the evening. pictures to come.

on wednesday we floated down the river and enjoyed just being together. we are all in such different places, yet when we are together we can't help but be content (even if one of us is dating a jerk that none of us approve of). we giggle, laugh, get naked and talk about things that would be frowned upon if you didn't know us. these are the people that i feel the most comfortable around; they are some of the few people in this world who really know me.

on thursday we went to breakfast and i drove back after. sad to leave, but i won't miss the heat (105!). soon none of us will be in visalia and i can't think of that many reasons to go back besides weddings. it was a good trip, i'm glad i went.

i just might fail.

"the most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and let it come in." -morrie schwartz

good times.

i have thirteen days to decide about grad school. ahhhh. the pressure!

do not designate me as a speed dial in your phone unless we are family or best friends. that's a lot of pressure.

this weekend was so fun: shonna came! we visited the marina (kara's cupcakes and boutiques), fillmore (art fair and the best oatmeal ever) and stern's grove (free jazz festival). however, the best part was going to berkeley to see house jacks (an a capella group) and going for lunch in sausalito.

kristy and sarah moved this weekend. we are officially living in different states. [sad!]

tonight i was told that i was extremely opinionated. i corrected this person with the word passionate instead. ha!