i hope that in twenty years i'm not numb. that when a child is removed from a foster home, i remember this day and cry like i am right now. that when i think of the foster care system, i still get angry and wonder if a family would make the same decision for their own biological kids.
i hope i remember that love isn't enough without stability. and i hope i'm not jaded. i hope i can feel the heat in my ears when we told him he can no longer live with this family. i hope i still have trouble sleeping when i think of my clients as they grow up with out family and diagnoses like ptsd, adhd, depression, anxiety, major explosive disorder, or all of the above.
i hope the injustices in this world and on these children still make me vomit. and i hope i never quit bawling my eyes out when it's time for them to go.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
hoping.
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3 comments:
I hope for all the same for you Emily, and all of us. Thankful for this raw post of yours which is so, so very true.
You know... I hope that in twenty years you are not numb and jaded one bit. I truly do.
But, I know that life would be difficult if we were as strongly emotionally impacted for the rest of our lives as we are currently by all the difficult things we experience, see, and feel. It would be draining and I'm not sure that in so many years you will want to have the tears, and even as you say, vomit.
What I do think you will have, because it's the type of person you are, is the highly developed ability to empathize, feel strongly, and take action regarding the injustices and tragedies you witness in your work. Your job will hopefully create you to be an emotionally strong and wise person, who will one day still be strongly affected, but will have highly adapted coping skills. Maybe you want this for yourself, but I am not sure that those of us around you think it would be best if you are forever as affected as you are now for the rest of your life. Not crying doesn't mean you are numb. There are some things that I still cry about when I talk about them that I have witnessed or experienced, and maybe I always will a little, but when I do I can sense that I'm more emotionally strong and capable of facing something similar again someday with more action and understanding and less tears.
Make sense? Maybe you disagree? I love you!
This was mostly a reflective post based on the strong reaction to the worker I was with, who showed little emotion when working together.
Goodness... I hope I currently have the strong ability to empathize and take action regarding what I witness... it's what my whole job is. Developed or not.
My whole point is that I can still feel sad for my clients in the moment-- it helps them understand that their tears, screams, yells, fists are real and valid. In school, we can be taught to hold it back and keep it in... To not show our sadness and keep our boundaries. To me, with what happened yesterday, that would have been more damaging. All in all, there are people that this impacts very little because they do it so often... I never want to become that person. I think a response of theirs was "it's just another removal. No big deal."
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