there are these moments when i really feel alive.

i'm thinking of two specific instances, both from this weekend.

the first is when i ran fifteen miles on saturday*; every foot to pavement interaction combined with reminding myself that i can do this helped me to feel present, alive. i took my time, didn't push too hard, and focused on my hips and knees, keeping them moving in the same direction. the way i count my breaths reminded me that i am, indeed, living. going. moving.

and the second is when i rested my left hand on my chest, just below my clavicle, skin to skin. my heartbeat could be felt through my forearm and even though my fingertips felt foreign resting on this place, it was natural at the same time. i nestled into this position when the weepies played "nobody knows me" as their encore song last night. i took a deep breath and firmly believed that i could die happy because this was my favorite song and the weepies' lyrics have gotten me through most of my twenties. my soul was alive.

so now i'm here, working on who i'm supposed to be, trying to worry about my process instead of my content.


*props to c&c for running and biking with me. all stars.