true confessions of a freak. me.

i have a bit of a problem. and let me tell you, it's not a small problem. it's kind of a pricey problem. expensive. time consuming. and it includes being a brat sometimes. and being mad at people under my breath. but i love it and i'm not sure why. i want you to love it too, even though you might not love it, you might just appreciate it. my friend says that i appreciate pride and prejudice, but i don't like it. she is so right. so if you appreciate it but don't love it, or even like it, that's okay too. (i guess)

i'm talking about my love for music. i'm talking about my obsession with smooth sounds that don't hurt my ears, but almost feel as good as a q-tip, even though i've heard that q-tips shouldn't go in ears. they go in mine, oops. my friend calls them eargasms. is that a bit much? not if you know the feeling. i love q-tips! so i'm going to explore music in my blog. i don't even think very many people read this, but if you do, brace yourself. i've got some opinions that are pretty intense, and i'd say there is going to be a bit of vulnerability in this thing. i'm a dork!

i'm not sure where my love for music came? i sang for 6 years in junior high and high school. no instruments besides the trombone in sixth grade. my brother plays guitar and my sister in law is a concert pianist...both instruments i would like to play one day. in high school, i just listened to the radio and to my favorite worship band, 100 portraits & water deep. i burned my friend's cds and the most embarrassing part is this: the music i chose to burn from people's collections was based on whether or not if you (or someone else) went through my collection, would you think i was cool. i think you can tell a lot about someone from their music collection, so i decided that i would add frank sinatra and u2 to my own collection. you know, cause that would say that i have variety, taste, old school vibes, you know, all of the above. then one day, i was done. done. done. done. (that's like how my friend jesse described jesus as dead, dead, dead! okay, he's 4.) so i threw all of my cds away that i didn't buy. well, almost all of them. i definitely did it in stages. to this day, there are still 2 cds in my music collection that i haven't paid for: jump little children and rocky votalato's 'suicide medicine'. however, i did just purchase rocky's january release, 'makers', and it is brilliant. simply brilliant. not quite sure what's holding me back from the purchases?

sometimes i do silly things; this one author named don miller wrote in his book about a band and a singer- wilco and derek webb. i immediately went out and bought their cds. derek webb, excellent choice. wilco, ehh. it didn't catch my attention, though they are excellent musicians. so here i am, just having spent at least 20 dollars on 2 cds that i don't listen to all that much, one i enjoy, and the other i just appreciate. i used to do that with guys that i liked. you know, i liked the music that they liked, that sort of thing. then, i got a grip on reality and decided that was really, really lame. i'm not going to give an example of that music cause what if i liked you at one point and i went out and bought some music that you liked and you heard it in my car or something, now you know i liked you. though, i don't think i've ever liked any of you who read this? the point is, i am silly.

i wasn't too sure about itunes. i was way into it for singles or songs that would go on my "i'm embarrassed to own this and have paid money for it" list (but i do need to talk about that list later) and i think i have very good reasons for not wanting to itunes whole cds...the beautiful art work and expression from the musician. i felt like my ears were being fed, but not my sensation of touch or sight. but my american sense of demand found a cure- instant gratification of having what i want when i wanted it. so i started itunes-ing whole cds. but that has put me into a pickle. sometimes my ipod runs out of batteries. and that leaves me with out that music. "burn the cd" you say? ugh, i would if people didn't look through my cd case, having heard my opinions on burning music, and automatically thought, "hypocrite!" i don't like burned cds, its almost like i am allergic to them. the sharpie pen in my hand just doesn't make good enough writing for me, it really says "you don't appreciate music, you stealer!" even though, i might not have stolen that cd, i just bought it on itunes. i'm so weird slash i care way too much about what you think about me.

let's get to that list, you know, the "i'm embarrassed to own this and have paid money for it" list. what's on my list: gavin degraw (really liked the guy until i paid money to see him in concert and he was more about the act than the music and he was all about the bras that were being thrown to him on stage), kelly clarkson (i bought that song after watching 'love actually,' you know, the song is 'the trouble with love is') and maroon5 (no good explanation). but this is the thing about the list: i shouldn't be embarrassed. all of my music that i have bought is for a certain time in my life. a certain feeling that i'm having. ie: the last week in florence and seeing the last scene in love actually where the people are meeting their friends and family at the airport, yeah i just wanted that, so the song was the closest thing i was going to get. the point is, if you have that list, like i do, i don't think it's good. we shouldn't be ashamed that we enjoy the smooth grooves of christina aguilera or justin timberlake (fantastic dance music, right chelsea?)... we shouldn't think we are lame cause we are some how going with the majority of teenagers who have no established opinions of their own. woah, a total generalization. oops.

things i don't like about music listeners, but i can't control:
1. when you think you're cool because you are listening to "indy" music. you might be cool, but not if you are trying to be cool. what are your intentions?
2. when you go looking for music, find really good stuff, and the second the person or group becomes popular, you aren't in to them anymore. like, they are cool and known now so you can't like them. i just don't understand.
3. when someone gets super popular, like mega popular, and you don't like them for that. i guess this is sort of like #2 but that refers to groups that get known by your friends and #3 refers to people like john mayer or jason mraz or jack johnson. woah, three j's. don't discount them because they are mainstream and 'popular' and because you have spent so much time investing and really appreciating the music and the shmuck next to you at the concert just learned the words to the songs yesterday cause he heard this guy on the radio and took his girlfriend of three weeks to the concert.

things i love about music listeners, that i can't control, but i think you're brilliant:
1. when you share your new find and want to tell people because this group or person deserves to be heard by more than just yourself.
2. when you buy music. and support them by going to shows.
3. when you appreciate because you can identify. you might not be into discovering and learning about new artists, but you love your friends who do that for you and you love hearing what they have to say.
4. when music isn't on your top 15 priorities list in life, but you still appreciate.
5. if you watch american idol, and you aren't ashamed, like me. (there's that vulnerability!)

stay tuned for more weird writing on music. oh geese, i hope you don't stop reading this thing because of the words/ideas/thoughts/vulnerability shared in this post or even just because of reading #5. eeek.