winks and brows.

my mom and i ventured to kansas city last thursday through sunday. my brother, daniel, and his wife, autumn, have a two and a half year old, samuel, and a six week old, aiden. my mom told samuel that we would be having a four day party so the kiddo was high on candy and the excitement of presents the entire time. apparently you can throw four day parties if you're a grandma.

the trip included ribs, too many mcdonald's ice cream cones, an iphone adventure, a gingerbread house, going to a pumpkin patch, lunches and coffees and dinners, candy stores, river fire down the missouri river, a fire truck, a carriage ride and live jazz.

miss my fam already!

okay samuel, you can have one pez.

"wait. buddy. where'd all the pez go?"

"in my mof, aunty em, see!"

universal plane rule.

i would like to pass a bill in congress. no, i am not a senator or a congressperson. however, yes, i am an informed citizen who has much experience with sitting in the middle of three seats on airplanes.

the middle seat is so awful. you can be stuck between two people who hit it off and want to talk over you the whole time or you can be sitting next to someone who thinks it's okay to pass the imaginary boundary line of thigh space. but the worst? the one thing that we should make into law? the arm rests. if you are the one who must endure the middle seat, you should be entitled to both arm rests. BOTH. not one or none but BOTH. it should be like compensation for having to fly in such awfulness.

call your local congressperson or senator today in order to fight for your armrests, and your rights as an airplane goer.

she doesn't know i'm doing this.

some of us were fortunate to get an email from our dear friend michele stating that she FINALLY started a blog. and some of us were fortunate to know michele while we were in college. and some of us were even fortunate to get to work for michele after college. but few of us are fortunate to call michele our mentor, wisdom provider, or tell-you-how-it-really-is-no-bs-involved friend. if you don't fit into any of those categories, i feel very sad for you. HOWEVER! now she has a blog. which means you can fit yourself into a NEW category! it shall be called the fortunate enough to read michele's blog category. now go. bookmark it and soak it up like a sponge. what are you waiting for? go, already!

mm: the pressure is on. password: spoon.

saliva.

is not fun when it lands on you.
is not fun when it intentionally lands on you.
is not fun when it intentionally lands on you from an angry person.
is not fun when it intentionally lands on you from an angry person who you're providing care for and have been working your ass off to see get better.

actually. i can't really think of a time when saliva is fun.

this is it. i'm in it. it's the trenches. ladies and gentlemen, it's community mental health and today i was spit on. (and, to be honest, it got FAR worse than that.)

well needed vacay.

i'm back and ready for work. an update with photos and details to arrive at a blog near you soon.

and while i sleep tonight i will think about samuel saying, "i wuv you auntaem!"

stinky kicks.

i'm realizing that all the shoes i have that are cheap are all the shoes that stink.

i'm deducting: quit buying cheap shoes. or ones made with fake leather. or! start wearing socks. nah.

i'm in kansas city, eating bbq food, i'm sure. hanging out with sam, sammy, samuel. the two and half year old that says "wuv you aunty em!"

aunty em times four.

today madelynn grace was born to my brother adam and his wife jenn. riley is a big brother to a precious girl who is healthy and a whole seven and a half pounds. photos to come soon.

i'm leaving tomorrow in the am for kansas city. as someone at work put it, why the hell would you go there? well, i wouldn't if it weren't for my other brother, daniel, and his wife and their family. i heard i'm supposed to eat some ribs and pulled pork or something. we'll see.

my latest contemplation: investing in invisalign for my teethsies.

indulge.

i can't help myself. i see a cookbook that i want and all of a sudden i need it. and then i own it. it all happens so fast, i don't even know how to explain it.

it's drugs for some people. clothes for some women. and me? it's cookbooks.

i'm a freak. and a consumer. guilty as charged.

mia.

i started work at seven o'clock on wednesday morning and i had a four hour break between two and six am on thursday. i just got home and it's six fifty eight on thursday evening. thirtysix hours minus my four hour nap equals thirtytwo hours of work.

all i can say: san francisco general hospital really is as real as it gets. holy shit.

and i still like my job. weird.

i hung out with a priest-in-the-making.

and he said something that made me stop in the middle of my bite of spicy tuna roll.

i ignorantly asked, "is it fair to say that protestant denominations are the same as catholic orders?"

and he said, "no. not at all. protestant denominations have different theological beliefs. all orders [are supposed to] have the same theology. their difference lies in their focus; some focus on social justice and some focus on the contemplative life, for example."

GET OUT. you mean to tell me that catholics are on the same page regarding fundamental theological beliefs [for the most part] and it's the protestants who are reading different chapters, if not different novels? no way. i am so naive.

if it were my nineteen year old self at the dinner table, i would defensively respond, "at least the protestants have a personal relationship with jesus." thank the good Lord my narrow lens has been expanded.

of course he said all kinds of other really great things about life, causing me to tear up and think about death and phd's in organic chemistry and post docs and solitude.

dear men who i hold dear to my heart.

blog post removed because a friend of mine reminded me that i made a commitment to not be passive on my blog.

last week i baked again.

it had been ninetyeight days since i baked in the kitchen. and then i broke my spell. and now i feel like i'm feeling again.

alone but not lonely.

the boys are gone for the weekend.

excited about:
not falling in the toilet.
walking around naked more than i already do.
turning off the heat. pansies.
riding their bikes. (dillon, if you're reading this: i'm the best hipster around. i figured out how to fishtail on your fixed gear and i didn't even wear a helmet.)

all jokes except the toilet, heat and nakedness. miss you already!

it's all about the self care.

so i went to get a massage today and my friend (who subsequently is my massage therapist) had the song touch my body by mariah carey playing in the background. hahahahiliarious.

this is not a joke. this is my life.

the current state of my affair.

recent obsessions:
politics, music and drugs by slowreader.
passively reminding people to put the seat down.
voting in approximately twentysix days.
thinking about and avoiding change.
catching up on dooce. something about unfollowing?
greys, pp, and b&s. crying my eyes out every time.
"all songs considered" while straightening my hair.
figuring out how to not pay my parking tickets.
cleaning out my sig bottle. vinegar?

you're surprised i can't function without facebook?

how about functioning without a microwave?

since the boys and i moved to this not-as-nice-as-the-last-place-house, we've been microwaveless. and it hasn't been that bad. until tonight.

something about melting butter for these amazing chocolate chip pumpkin muffins. i was at a loss. i stood there, looking at my oven for a good minute and a half. this can't take that long, right?

well, i'm here to report that melting your butter in the oven at threehundred and fifty degrees takes about twentyfive minutes. it's pretty much like waiting for your toast to toast when you're in a hurry and already late for work.

other than tonight's experience, i highly promote going microwaveless. it really limits your frozen food intake. (like i really care about that.)

the neutral face.

[if you know nathan, then this post will make more sense.] i am realizing that i'm getting really good at the neutral face. so good that i'm doing it when i'm not even meaning to! it's becoming a habit.

the neutral face is exactly what it sounds like: a face.. that's neutral. you can't tell what i'm thinking or how i'm feeling. i'm just listening and trying to wonder and understand more about you. i first learned it from nathan and it's being refined at my job. i started doing it with my clients and it's becoming very useful.

examples:

"i dropped acid last weekend for the first time. care to join me?" neutral face.

"do you have a boyfriend? i want to hook you up with my uncle. he's on the streets right now, but he'll be clean soon." neutral face.

"you're sort of round." neutral face.

"my goal in life is to be a teenage dad." neutral face.

it's definitely a learned skill. practice practice practice.

laura and zack got married and all i have to show for it is bloody knees and elbows.

i wish i had photos to show that laura and zack got married. and that it was awesome.

a westmont reunion, incredible dancing and a relaxed couple.

i had so much fun.

we ALL had so much fun.

the ceremony was hilarious and my tears were jerked. the rings were delivered on kittens and john and nancy's words were powerful. laura's uncle pretended to be her parole officer and the photographer rocked, especially when laura strutted around in her heels and spanx. the wedding party followed my directions and the djs had everyone on their feet (thanks sean and bo). chris mollkoy showed me that his moves are legit and michele and anna totally stabilized me.

it was a success. and a goodbye to the twothousand and nine wedding season.

congratulations, laura and zack! YAY!

ps. no more coordinating unless you can confirm that there will be no blood. i'll give you sweat and tears. but no more blood. or broken toes, for that matter.

today is my last wedding of the year.

laura and zack are getting hitched! (read: westmont reunion.)

more details and photos to come.

he cried when she died.

this picture says so much about who barb was. (pictured: the dalai lama, barb's partner, barb)
"rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." romans twelve:fifteen.

still mourning.

dollars and forks. vote vote vote.

on tuesday, my friend teri called me up: hey, what are you doing tomorrow night? i'll be with a client until about six. why, what's up? have you ever heard of michael pollan? the guy who wants me to eat real food and more plants? yes, that's him! ya, i've heard of him. do you want to hear him speak? GET OUT! my day totally sucked until you called! so.. you want to come? YES!

so we went...quite the dynamic speaker!

the good news: i'm now inspired to read more than the bits and pieces i've read before from his books.

the bad news: he was preaching to the choir. it's nice to talk over and over to affluent white america about food and health (especially in berkeley). but it's not them/us who need to hear it. it's the people who we classify as low income. it's the ones who are type two diabetic and on the verge of heart disease. it's probably not you if you're reading this.

so now i feel stuck. his message works for me but not for everyone. and my reality is that i hold the privilege to make a difference. the question that won't leave my head: how can i help influence food choices in my community to help the poor? how can i actively stop the perceived and real gentrification that is occurring around food?

deborah dunn told me i vote with my dollar. michael pollan told me i vote with my fork. at this point, it's the same difference, really.