rotm: january.

twothousandten brings new traditions. namely, the roommate of the month award. (no, this is not a joke.)

the rules are simple: you get one vote and majority rules. you can even vote for yourself. the named winner receives a beverage or burrito of their choice. and since we value transparency you have to say why you voted for that person.

january's winner was none other than daniel-i've-been-so-much-better-at-putting-the-seat-down-quon. purchasing a new towel rack, making monkey bread and still being present while stressed out at work earned him the first award. well deserved, dq!

generational gap.

i have this new friend who is fantastic, and quite young (approximately six years old). anyway, george was telling me what he likes to do for fun:

"i like to bowl!"

BOWLING! wow! i'm impressed.

"i also like tennis, A LOT."

NO WAY! YOU PLAY TENNIS? What else do you do?

"i box."

wait a second. who do you box with? you're too young for that.

"with the wii. duh."

i paused and stood there dumbfounded. and when my brain started to work i had the realization that i now know someone coming from a completely different generation of technology. i thought us twenty somethings were bad...

unrelated side notes of really cool things that happened today:

movement in the work place.

pizza with sarah and nico.

developing a friend crush on diane.

kimberly winning for the first time.

work surprises for daniel.

it was a harry potter slash dress as your favorite dsm diagnosis goodbye party.

and though i didn't cry visually, my favorite co-worker is leaving, and that sort of made me want to puke. you don't understand, we started three weeks a part and we clicked, like peanut butter with jelly and peas with pods. and now i can't vent to anyone who will really understand.

there's something about sharing hard experiences together: jelly doesn't taste as good without the peanut butter.

the best snow of the season.

is waiting for me.

three more days until tahoe trip number three begins. i'm pretty sure it will be a time of singing miley combined with discussing all things junior high and high school.

gotta love the yutes.

my elvis-singing, iphone-playing nephew.

ladies and gentlemen, meet riley. my favorite part is at twentynine seconds.

finally, a photo from the last wedding of 2009.

remember when i helped coordinate laura and zack's wedding? this photo was taken at the end of the night, after i tripped and fell in front of lots of people.

photo credit: gabriel ryan.

it's a good thing rice is my favorite food item these days.

note to self: dropping your phone while jaywalking is never a good idea. especially when it's pouring and you have no idea you dropped your phone. even more especially when you spend an hour looking for it at juvenile hall to finally find it in the street from when you jaywalked.

this is not a post about my absentmindedness. this is about what to do with a wet phone that now automatically turns the volume up when you press the number five: soak it in... RICE. yep, rice. apparently it acts like a sponge and soaks up all the moisture.

you come to read my mass email and i give you tips! and tricks!

dinner in davis.

as i ate with my friend lesley, i was reminded that there's much more to me (and her) than what we write on our blogs. thank God this blog is not a substitute for relationship.

cheers to cryptic posts and high school youth groups.

in the spirit of the king.

martin luther, that is.

the lyrics from sam cooke's a change is gonna come, which was accompanied by my night celebrating with youth speaks.

"I was born by the river in a little tent
Oh and just like the river I've been running ever since
It's been a long, a long time coming
But I know a change gonna come, oh yes it will

It's been too hard living but I'm afraid to die
Cause I don't know what's up there beyond the sky
It's been a long, a long time coming
But I know a change gonna come, oh yes it will

I go to the movie and I go downtown somebody keep telling me don't hang around
It's been a long, a long time coming
But I know a change gonna come, oh yes it will

Then I go to my brother
And I say brother help me please
But he winds up knockin' me
Back down on my knees

There been times that I thought I couldn't last for long
But now I think I'm able to carry on
It's been a long, a long time coming
But I know a change gonna come, oh yes it will"

memory captured.

sometimes i choose not to take photos of particular weekends or excursions or moments because if i close my eyes tight enough, focus my mind, and take a deep breath, i can remember.

i remember the feeling of being asked to dance at the tyrolean feast or the constant nagging of feeling hungry with three others. or lying stomach down, head propped up, with two of my favorite people in the world, laughing hysterically- so loud that everyone in the house felt left out. i remember my paralyzing fear of heights that makes skiing that much more difficult. and having to deny the one whose love language is feeding others over and over and over again. and i remember the ice cold taste of fresca on my lips after coming in off the mountain to tired thighs and burning knees.

or, maybe i just forgot to take photos. but i do, i do remember.

i already knew this, but it's worth repeating.

sometimes people will take advantage of me because they know i can get shit done. but whose fault is it really? mine. because i didn't set a good healthy boundary. and say that magic two letter word.

here's to breaking my instax and practicing what i preach. CHEERS. (but without the alcohol, because it probably has gluten in it)

thoughts on withholding.

specifically: gluten, dairy and sugar.

one. i miss the cheese. terribly.
two. wheat is freakin' everywhere! like soy sauce. and beef jerky.
three. brown rice crackers are pretty dang good.
four. the creativity is flowing; celery dipped in guacamole, anyone?
five. my love for beets and sweet potatoes is expanding.
six. mayonnaise doesn't count as dairy. weird. and gross.

just a disclaimer.

i have fantastic roommates; the privilege of not just sharing a roof but sharing friendship is incredible; laughter and tears and moments that make my face so hot that i only know to utter expletives and i forget to breathe.

like that time tonight when you two left my number for the waiter. or when we misunderstood each other to the point that we revealed secrets and tips and tricks. or when you taught me the pain from love is worth it, if only because of the lessons learned. or when you pressured me to call that waiter, only to embarrass myself and say, "just a disclaimer."

i constantly appreciate the two of you. living in the mid twenties without you would just be awful.

friendship milestones.

you know you've come to a point in a friendship when someone comes to visit and just hanging out and being together is more important than entertaining each other with places and things. it happened the last time i visited anna in santa barbara and it happened with nick this weekend. of course we did fun things here and there. like drink mini beers with laura and zack. and go to wimberly's birthday party where i made this face. awesome.

news recaps.

the death penalty is a moral and practical failure.

talking on your cell phone will prevent alzheimer's! (i don't buy it.)

harry reid isn't resigning. note: if this were a republican who said this awful comment, s/he would have been fed to the wolves. let's be honest... the same rules don't apply and it's pretty embarrassing.

oh how i miss you, new years weekend.

me, deb, katie, maggie, meg, sarah and half of rachael. at the top of the mountain with champagne.. about to ski down with torches.

skiing down with torches.

dan, meg, maggie. clove smoke.

the entire crew:

part of the crew who enjoy double black diamonds. you will not find me in this photo.shout out to the alemans for making new years INCREDIBLE. yay julie! yay nathan!

the weight is lifting.

it's a strange feeling; sort of like the grief has taken a back seat. it's not completely gone but it's definitely not driving anymore.

i had an incredible experience last night where i heard something that encouraged a number of choices: crawl into bed and drain my tear ducts. utilize my defensive curiosity skills. fake it. or realize that i'm not surprised, it's totally expected and choose to walk away.

i'm making my clean getaway. grace and forgiveness are so close, i can taste it.

searching for motivation.

on monday talk of the nation hosted daniel pink, author of drive, a book about what motivates us. once hearing the interview, here's what i didn't do: i didn't think about what i teach my clients (the difference between needs and wants) and i didn't listen for my uncle's voice telling me that every bit counts when you're paying down school loans. so what did i do? totally bought the book. maybe it has something to do with my job and receiving a five dollar gift card to borders as a gift of appreciation for my "hard" work. (appreciation or insult, i thought?) or maybe i bought the book because i'm trying to figure out what motivates me. a typical christian says they are motivated by God and his kingdom. i can believe that. but GASP, a moment of truth: that's not me a hundred percent of the time. in fact, i'm not sure i could say it's me more than thirty three percent of the time. rather, i think my motivation comes from approval and God and fear and food and love and the privilege i have. but pink reports the three things that motivate us are autonomy, mastery and purpose. so on i go: the quest for the surprising truth about what motivates me.

unrelated side note: my goal is to be a bridesmaid once a year for at least the next ten years because i had SO much fun last year. thank you kristy for helping to fulfill my goal in two thousand ten. holllllllllllllllller! alex and kp are getting hitched! CAN'T WAIT

stuck stuck stuck.

in my head.

clean getaway by maria taylor:

I made my place by the door.
I didn't know what I was waiting for.
Felt just like home.
Except no grass, no yard, no pictures.
I could see across to the park.
And there were friends, they were laughing hard.
They looked just like my home.
With no face, no name, no voice I'd know.
I finally made it.
I made a clean getaway.
I finally made it.
I made a clean getaway.
I met someone at the bar.
He had a great smile and a great heart.
He felt just like love.
Except no fear of losing, and it wasn't tough.
I finally made it.
I made a clean getaway.
I finally made it.
I made a clean getaway.
And I miss you,
I miss you every single day.

the most fun christmas gift.

dress up barack and michelle magnets. who knew playing dress up with the first family would be so entertaining?

new years at the sugar shack.

skiing with a torch down the mountain. champagne toasts. dance parties. tears with meg. contemplative tasks (puzzles). skiing. delicious food. fire places. settlers. a text from lisa that made my world stop. the fish room. pearls of wisdom: yes yes yes yes yes yes. whispering discussions. dark four story houses with people running around with point finger knives. it all made for a perfect beginning to the new year.

hello, 2010.

no resolutions this year, just a continued commitment to self-care. because let's be honest, this work will deafen me so bad that i can't hear what that itty bitty voice inside me is yelling.

self care assisters:
better investigate my insecurities.
continue giving.
decrease my defensive curiosity.
take more photos.
protect my teeth.
love freely.