i sat in a coffee shop the other day and wrote. i intended to write about my hurt, and i suppose i did, it just came out different than expected. everything began with why and how and ended with a question mark. question after question and i didn't stop until i realized my teeth were clenched and the callous was reforming on my middle right finger. and i took a deep breath. i was reminded of the post when anna talked about yoga and breathing and i led cg the week before and we discussed slowing down. and i stopped. and breathed. though i mostly stopped in order to quit writing questions.
and then i realized how hard it is to believe in God. retract. how hard it is to follow God. to follow a God who talks about forgiveness. and to actually live it out. and more than that, to live with compassion and to turn my cheek. and to admit over and over, i've failed. i'm selfish. i'm jealous. i'm judgmental. and i forget, consistently, how to love the people around me.
lesley: this is no cryptic post, just a realization i had some months ago that i suck and need forgiveness. all the time. and yes, i am going to keep calling you out on my could-be-cryptic posts.
Monday, April 12, 2010
i always order chai. never coffee.
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2 comments:
Your cryptic posts leave me wanting MORE! More Emily! More cowbell!
When are you in Woodland next?
i like this one. chase took a picture of me this morning. I was in a robe and boxer shorts and socks that are thick and bright and meant to be worn as slippers. And I look pregnant. I immediately thought of emailing it to you b/c I knew that you would think it was hilarious. for the record, I know this has nothing to do with your post, I'm just letting you know I'm thinking about your and reading your great blog. xo
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