i have never posted so much in one day.

ryan, one of the guys in the wedding, is brilliant- let me tell you why: he knows how to communicate with me. or maybe he's just sympathetic and wants to listen. or maybe i shared my heart out of frustration. whatever it is, i realized tonight how much i appreciate him. he knows the gentle way to speak into my heart and allow me to hear what it is that i need to hear, whether i need confrontation or just advice.

we talked about forgiveness in a way that hasn't been so clear in my life before tonight. so what did ryan say? it was so simple: forgiveness isn't talking about it afterward. forgiveness isn't saying "but..." forgiveness isn't being hurt. forgiveness isn't expecting. forgiveness isn't being owed something. forgiveness isn't easy.

ok, i have heard all of that stuff before but i haven't understood it. i take that back, i still don't understand it. if i did, i would be forgiving left and right. whatever the step between hearing and understanding, that's where i am.


thanks ryan.
thanks God for speaking through ryan.
thanks.