thoughts on vt

I wasn’t sure if I was going to write about this, but it’s what’s on my mind and what I am addicted to in this moment. My lens is completely limited; I don’t know anyone in Virginia and have no relation to this tragedy. However, I am in the same generation as the killer and the killed. These are some of my thoughts in response to the Virginia Tech shooting:

I can't help but be drawn to the killer. What were the circumstances that led him to this place? Why was he so angry? How did he hide his hurt? Or was it completely evident?

I am worried that the feeling of "it won't happen to Westmont" may overcome some students. The reality is that it could happen to Westmont, just as much as any other college campus. I feel close to this issue because of a family member who had a psychotic break, along with being a student at Westmont when another student committed suicide. Being Christian does not separate you/me from depression, mental illness, psychotic breaks, etc. It’s possible that there may be some naiveté that needs to be addressed.

All this to say, I cannot forget about Cho Seung-Hui. His hurt and pain overwhelm me; his numbness is incomprehensible. The news describes him as a troubled soul. There must be so much guilt and/or shame; his parents, his roommate, his friends (he must have had one?), his RA, all Student Life staff at VT, anyone who ever came in contact with him. My heart hurts for you.

Because Cho killed himself, it is hard for me, as a human, to be mad at him- he isn't here and he can't answer my questions. Instead, questions that don’t have the answers I want are asked and blame is put on VT, the police, etc. The SF Chronicle (an AP article) read: "Why wasn't class canceled after the first shooting?" Great question, but where does it lead? The answer might be that the police and VT made a mistake, but it doesn't mean that more/less people would have died, does it? We can’t predict what would have been.

I am sitting here… trying to think of Cho as a human. He was a man who had desires, feelings, dreams, fears, aspirations, joys. Not only that, but he was created in God's image. I'm not sure how to reconcile the tension I feel with Cho as a killer, but Cho as a victim. Merriam-Webster defines victim as 1) one that is injured, destroyed, or sacrificed under any of various conditions and 2) one that is subjected to oppression, hardship, or mistreatment. I really do believe he was a victim.

Apparently he wrote, "you caused me to do this". Who is this ‘you’? On one hand, no one actually forced him to pull the trigger, but on the other hand, what happened to this man in his twenty-three years of life that contributed to this state?

All of this increases my desire to study Counseling. Not because of something I could do to find the answer to suicides and school shootings, but because there might be an answer. There might be some way to help. And if not, there is always a need for more help in times of crisis.

I am left despondent.