let's go to a country that's at war.

that's what i'll be doing come january tenth. i'm uncertain. i'm scared. and i am literally thinking about what it would mean to have my life end in january two thousand and nine.

okay maybe i'm being dramatic. i probably have more of a chance of dying on my scooter than i do in israel. but really, i am scared. and there's this part of me that wants to have courage and be adventurous.

and then there's this other part. the part of me that is thinking about what i'd [wish i could] say to people before i leave if i were really going to die.

for one of you, i'd say: don't marry him. not until you take your relationship out of the dark.
for another one of you, i'd say: you have taught me more about jesus than anyone i have ever encountered.
for someone else, i'd say: you are so selfish and you are so hopeless. it's a good thing i didn't give up on you.
and another, i'd say: you were never needy. fight the urge and be the strong, independent human you are.
and you: why didn't we ever make out?
and you: i have never been so grateful for the wisdom you have provided me.
and you: quit being so black and white. you are hurting people more than you're helping.
and you: thanks for slowing me down. and listening. even when you didn't get it.
and you: i love you i love you i love you. i always have.

be prepared, i might just write my eulogy on friday.