i take it back.

alright, alright, i take back my no-gift-giving-or-receiving policy for christmas. instead, i'm making this pledge to buy handmade. join me?

so far:
free babysitting
crocheted hats/scarves
cookies and delightful treats

i need help with my handmade list... anyone have any creative ideas?

question eighteen.

makes me so sad. last night was the republican debate on cnn with youtube. it was an interesting way of conducting the debate, i personally prefer a more fluid discussion with questions from the moderators. anyway. here is question eighteen. listen closely to some of the things huckabee says.



here is my response:
reading the documents doesn't humanize the case.

are some crimes really so heinous that jesus wouldn't even forgive?

don't say the death penalty is the only response, it's the easier response for you.

i can think of other ways to deter crime and warn others rather than killing someone. and i'm surprised that you can't.

"some crimes are truly beyond any other capacity for us to fix." before you tell me, governor, that something is beyond any other capacity to be fixed, how do you define "fix" and what have you done to "fix" these crimes? is capital punishment really a fix? what did/does it fix? i want to see your empirical evidence. what have you done? what was actually fixed by taking the lives of the sixteen people who have been killed under your jurisdiction?*

please don't include me when you say someone is put to death by "all of us as citizens." i will not take responsibility for the blood on your hands.

thanks for avoiding the question about what jesus would actually do. smooth answer.

*here are the sixteen people who have been killed under huckabee:
William Frank Parker 8/8/96
Paul Ruiz, Earl Von Denton, Kirt Douglas Wainwright 1/8/97
Eugene Wallace Perry 8/6/97
Wilburn A. Henderson 7//8/98
Johnie Michael Cox 2/16/99
Marion Albert Pruett 4/12/99
Mark Edward Gardner, Alan Willett 9/8/99
Christina Marie Riggs 5/2/00
David Dewayne Johnson 12/19/00
Clay King Smith 5/8/01
Riley Dobi Noel 7/9/03
Charles Laverne Singleton 1/6/04
Eric Randall Nance 11/28/05

just checking.

i had to retake the myers briggs test. okay, i didn't have to, i wanted to. i just wanted to make sure that what i tested four years ago is still accurate to who i am. i've been having a mini crisis recently and michele recommended i go to usf's career center. good idea. so i went yesterday and i'm going again today. well, it's true. i'm still an e-n-f-j. surprise!

here's the description with my thoughts:

-ENFJs glow with warmth and sympathy. not sure if this is accurate. i'm not a good hugger if i don't know you very well slash i get really uncomfortable if i can't understand or feel why you are upset. i like authentic and genuine, a lot. 

-they are creative and organized when helping others achieve their personal goals. absolutely. but i definitely need to work on my delivery and sensitivity. 

-because ENFJs focus their energy outwards, into people, their main concern in life is for the well-being of their friends. um, and myself. but that would explain why i have no trouble keeping in touch with friends. 

-they make compassionate and trustworthy friends. absolutely (ie: lori lester, anna jordan, shonna sommer, lisa armour, michele mollkoy, allison sebek, kristyn pointer, renee d'amour, nicole palmer, carissa johnson, sarah taylor, to name a few). 

-ENFJs understand people well; they are interested in theories of human behavior and want to learn more. not sure the first part is true but definitely the part about wanting to learn more, ie: studying counseling. 

-ENFJs are natural organizers. it's true. i am. 

-when they see someone suffering, they want to help. true, again. 

-they are the ones who roll up their sleeves and get involved. uh huh. yep. 

-ENFJs value harmony and typically bring out the best in others. maybe? 

-for this reason, they make popular leaders as well as faithful supporters. sure, why not. 

-they are excellent communicators, especially in a public forum, and make superb professional speakers. ooh, juicy. explains why i can wing a 2 hour group presentation.

i realize that this post could be seen as a bit conceited and/or arrogant. however, i believe i have a healthy view of self and knowing my strengths is extremely important to me. one day i will post all the things i'm really bad at. could be fun. (an e-n-f-j would respond that way, huh?)

oh, the young voters.

I am in the "young voter" category. Here are some things I stole from Rock the Vote.

The latest volume of Rock the Vote's Polling Young Voters is available. Key findings are below and the full report is available here. (PDF)

Key findings:
Young voters are attuned to the presidential debates - 77% report watching them, compared to 64% of voters of all ages. (Pew Research Center)

In the primary races, young Democrats are most heavily in favor of Clinton and Obama; young Republicans are leaning toward Giuliani, Romney and Thompson. Many on both sides of the aisle have yet to make up their minds. (Rasmussen, NH Institute of Politics, CBS/NY Times)

When asked with which political party they identify, 32-42% identify as Republican or Republican-leaning and 37-49% identify as Democratic or Democratic-leaning. (RT Strategies, Democracy Corps, Rasmussen)

i came from this.

i just found this photo of my parents from the seventies.

love it.

w.w.j.b.

all of my family isn't aware yet but if they buy me presents for christmas they will be returned. i also need to tell them that they aren't getting anything from me, either. this isn't a post to give credit to myself about how selfless i am... it's just about me being poor and having a lot of pride.

the poor part: i have no money. i am a grad school student living off a loan that needs to stretch itself out for as long as possible.

the pride part: if i can't get you something, you can't get me something. ha! take that.

however, this film might make take my consumerism to a whole new level. can't wait to see it. watch the trailer to "what would jesus buy" here.

she is [my] family.

she certainly doesn't look like she belongs in our family. but she does. kylie came into this world 2 years ago, the day before christmas, in what was the most horrendous adoption story ever. "i'm pregnant, but secretly i'm just overweight- give me your money" turned into "we have a baby for you, but the mother happened to use meth in her last week of pregnancy-- do you still want her?" my cousins are amazing. kylie's health is fine and she is in a home where she is loved with a family who cares deeply for her. thanksgiving was perfect: a not too long car ride. speed scrabble. kylie's 2nd birthday party. poker. fish instead of turkey [for me]. an important decision made. homemade fudge. sweet, sweet cousins. pops & sharon & cc. funny gift game.

paperless.

imagine what would be accomplished if at least one professor at every college threw up their hands and said, "that's it! we're going paperless!" does this happen? right now i'm asking "why not?" and the only thing i can come up with is that professors' eyes are bad and they can't look at the computer screen for that long. ha.

sidewalk art.

the sidewalk art in san francisco fills my heart with joy. the other day i found this piece- in case you can't tell, it's a tv set with the words, "undercover oppressor" inside. does tv really oppress us? it can be defined as "the negative outcome experienced by people targeted by the biased exercise of power in a society or social group." it's possible. definitely made me think.

fear & forgiveness.

fear.
i've lost so much respect for the san francisco police department. i've lost so much respect for some of my students. i have never felt the fear that i had last night. unfortunately, what i am experiencing now is called trauma and might turn into ptsd. the positive note: this might help me when counseling clients who have ptsd or who have experienced trauma.

forgiveness.
today jordan and i walked with about 30 people from a church in san rafael to the san quentin state prison with walk to stop executions. the three mile walk ended at the east gate of the prison entrance where there was a celebration honoring those who keep watch for our brothers and sisters on death row. the story of reconciliation of a mother whose daughter was murdered taught me something more about forgiveness. i am grateful for my experience today.

3.75!

this
made
me
so
angry.

beat the bitch.

watch this video if the title of this post doesn't give you any hint to what i'm about to write about.

i've been thinking about this for a few days. i cannot imagine how a could-be-president let the "beat the bitch" comment slide, laughed it off and then went on to say, "i respect senator clinton." YOU DO NOT! you're a liar! oh wait, you're a politician. that's like saying i'm going to eat a cheeseburger with cheese. it's repetitive. it means the same thing.

i guess i'm sensitive to this topic because i am the bitch. no, i'm not running to be the leader of the free world nor am i nearly as strong as hillary clinton. however, i am blunt, passionate, aggressive, ambitious and a hard worker. i like to get things done. hillary and i do have that in common. in the work world, i will be labeled this villain because my bitchy personality far exceeds my motherly-nurturing-kind-gentle side. you know, the side of me that is supposed to come naturally. geese, didn't you read wild at heart? i'm a beauty waiting to be rescued. i have news for you john eldredge: it doesn't come naturally for me, or at least, it's not my first inclination to be that way. am i still a woman? [yes, yes i am.]

here's to standing up to john mccain on my blog and telling the world that his reaction is unacceptable. and! that woman's question is very telling of who she is. i'm incredibly embarrassed for her.

read how debra condren tells the story much better than me.

black friday.

when i worked in retail i knew a lot about where other retailers were in terms of being in the red or the black. you always want to be in the black. the day after thanksgiving (a week from today!) is called black friday because it is a day that retailers usually turn a profit. anyway, i got a gap gift guide in the mail. a few things i noticed that have me wondering, does gap have their groove back or are they just trying to stay above water?

1. every photo is labeled with the name of the model, actor, actress, comedian or whole broadway cast. some even include family members. i'm not sure i believe that some of these people actually wear gap clothes. how much does it cost gap to hire these people? better yet, how much does it cost gap to hire the celebrities that are sponsoring product red? sure hope it's free.

2. the front of the gift guide tells you all about how you can change the world by buying product red while the back of the guide tells you all about how you can purchase this limited edition vespa for the low price of five thousand, nine hundred and ninety nine dollars and "give the nicest ride." shocking differences. i guess what they have in common is the consumer: me (and you?).

barack in sf!

last night a few of us met up to see barack obama speak in san francisco. he has this celebrity appeal that people flock to; people wanted to shake his hand, touch him, hug him, etc. i couldn't believe it. the magnitude of this is far bigger than anything any other candidate has to offer. it was as if brad pitt entered the building. add on his pretty great public speaking skills and his charisma. i don't think i've ever seen so many high school juniors & seniors so excited to be at a political event. impressive.



*excuse the video quality. my little point&shoot did the job.

when are my primaries?

good question. are you democrat or republican? in some states it will make a difference. if you are "decline to state" or independent, i highly suggest switching to be a donkey or an elephant just for the primaries. then switch back when you're done. so easy.

this year, super tuesday will be on february 5. in california, we hold the democratic primary and the republican primary on the same day. go california, go.

here is an election guide from the new york times. helpful information about the candidates along with primary/caucus information.

here is where you can register to vote, change your address, or change your political status.

to register in california you must:
1. be a citizen of the united states
2. be a resident of california
3. be at least 18 years of age at the time of the next election
4. not be imprisoned or on parole for the conviction of a felony
5. not currently be judged mentally incompetent by a court of law.

the registration deadline is 15 days before the election. translation: january 21, 2008 for the california primaries and october 20, 2008 for the presidential election.

i would love to hear the reasons for why people don't vote....

I am knocking it.

my friend michele shocked me with this article.

in response to the article, a friend told me that it's how i was designed, i shouldn't have to major in it. not sure if i'm more offended by the article or by my friend's comment.

"A financial course could also teach women how to guide their husbands gently toward wise financial stewardship, which would contribute to a good outcome without violating patriarchy" the article reads. I missed the part where it is wrong to violate a patriarchal society?

Here's my thought: let's offer classes on 1. How to do relationships. 2. How to raise children. All things people can figure out on their own, but in the land of MFT, this is a huge need and the majority of people could use a whole lot of education in this area.

I'm not knocking her ideas on the family as the neediest social institution (hello! I am studying marriage and FAMILY therapy), but seriously, is this necessary? What she's listing for courses within this "home ec" major, I think of as secondary and tertiary. If this major existed, the primary goals should be to know thyself, value thyself and engage thyself (taken from this article). Those are what I think matter. Damn, I am an individualistic American in need of learning more about collectivism.

And does she really think that sex is taboo in Christian circles? I've talked more about sex with my students and at Westmont than ever before. Let's stop saying it's taboo. IT'S NOT. It's talked about ALL THE TIME. Things that actually are taboo in Christian circles: how people spend their money (it's your business, not anyone else's), the high expectation for pastors' families, pastors who have affairs or engage in pornography, female masturbation, the female sex drive (maybe this is the sex she's talking about?), inter-racial relationships (in some families), how you're actually doing, etc etc. How about that for taboo.

an insightful tuesday.

dave batstone was the guest speaker at the house this morning. he always has a similar message, but it never seems to come out the same. quite entertaining. love how slavery is something we can all agree is wrong-- unlike abortion, the war in iraq, immigration, etc. inspired more than ever to get off my ass and do something.

we've been sprucing up our marketing skills at the urban house. basically it means we've been using our current students and asking them to talk about how to improve the program's marketing/PR work in exchange for a free meal. little star pizza fed us tonight and we had great conversation on how to improve. i highly recommend this restaurant [and these students!]. so good.

took some of the students to dan, dillon and keith's for dessert. so fun. yummy pie (ginger pear! banana! pumpkin!) and played scategories. love that game. good for the students to see real-life urban alums who have made a life in san francisco.

it's all in the grape.

church with the mcallister house.
hopped in the car and picked up dan, keith & leslie.
drove up to napa.
good conversation. good music.
played on the white's ranch.
love love love the phillies!
the whites are big polo people so leslie and dan gave it a try.
then we met back up with the mcallister house and headed over to the winery.
i know absolutely nothing about wine.

i learned: all the flavors in the wine are subjective. when it says "grapefruit and dark chocolate flavors" on the back of the bottle, it really means that some person with an incredible sense of smell and taste decided it to be that. there isn't any grapefruit or dark chocolate in the wine. i felt lied to! but, keith explained it to me, it's all in the grape. also, no need to swirl white wine, only the reds. are these common things that people know about wine?

here&now.

still flossing. yes. check for good hygiene.
listening to mirah. so good. smooth sounds with some upbeat outcries.
loving the cold. longsleeves&jackets.
creating my top ten.
enjoying the lack of a life in retail.
wanting new photos for the space above my desk.
watching brothers&sisters.
campaigning: don't be uneducated in 2008.
rediscovering why i really don't like w.a.h.
reading sex, economy, freedom & community by wendell berry.
excited for thanksgiving in thousand oaks.

"call me."

why didn't anyone tell me i shouldn't have called the bartender? remember in september when i got the bartender's number and he said "call me" and i waited two days and called. stupid stupid stupid.

i was recently looking in my he's just not that into you book and it reads: "call me" should translate to "i just dropped my cell phone in the ocean and i lost your number" but it mostly means "i'm just not that into you."

i'm not usually old fashioned. but in this respect, i am a forty two year old woman in a twenty three year old body. or at least that's what my friend annie (from my mft program) told me. i wasn't offended. i can't believe i called.

i can open my own door. i can pay for half the tab. i can be cold if i happen to not be wearing enough clothing. but, i will not be calling you. not anymore, at least. it's against the rules. speaking of rules, these are the ones i'm following.

realization? epiphany? revelation?

what is the difference between a realization, epiphany and revelation? i apparently don't know because i use them interchangeably all the time. well, i had one of the above and i don't know which one. but here's what happened:

i was eating lunch with my friend evan. in the middle of the conversation he said, "i gave up on you." i gasped. "i don't understand what you mean?" he went on to explain that he has called enough times to know that my response is "i'm busy" or try and fit yourself into my busy little schedule. lunch went on, things got better, and evan and i decided we would be intentionally hanging out more often (or at least i decided that, i'll tell him later). a clean slate.

i walked away and that's when my realization/epiphany/revelation occurred. i have been living in this place (san francisco) as if i'm leaving. i've been subscribing to the transient nature of this city. i haven't committed to anything or anyone and i haven't let people in. the people i knew before i came here are easy to be friends with cause they already know me. it's the people that i have to open up to. the people i have to start caring about. i specifically remember thinking "i don't want new friends. i have enough and i like them. they're irreplaceable." that is fine and good, but certainly not healthy.

here's what i know for sure: i like my program and it goes until july 09. i like my job and it's indefinite [unless they plan on firing me sometime soon]. i have more family nearby than ever before and that includes an adorable nephew and my favorite cousins. my grandparents are leaving their kauai home to be near us. the weather is so great here. the friends i do have are incredible (hello, they like to dance). i am relatively healthy.

here's what sucks: i've wasted fourteen months and haven't found a church. plus i've ditched people that could have been great friends. hopefully they'll give me a second chance?

here's my reality: life after college is not a group of friends. maybe occasionally, but certainly not all the time. life after college is an exploration with a little bit of bills in between. it's establishing an identity, a career, maybe some romantic relationships and figuring out a life dream. or at least that's what society tells me it should be.

here's the weird part: i'm not even sure of what it is that i was looking forward to on the other side of san francisco. going back to santa barbara? being an RD at a college? discovering how to combine an mft with student life? love? event coordinating?

i'm always going going going.
i'm always living in anticipation of the future.
just stop.

everyone always says san francisco is transient. i never really noticed until now. here's to staying for at least twenty more months.

i'll drink to that. cheers.

apple pie.

asking a stranger (or a guy that you're on a first date with) to describe your style and prefacing it with "i won't be offended" might not be the best idea. his response: apple pie. my thought process: apple pie?! i don't want to be apple pie! i would rather be plain jane or classy cathy. okay, i take that back. apple pie is fine. but am i really "all american?" diana thinks apple pie is poetic; she thinks he's smooth. i think she's trying to make me feel better.

gimme more!

if you know dan, dillon or keith this will be even funnier. if you don't know them, it will still be pretty damn funny. enjoy.

DANCE PARTY DETAILS: December 1 in San Francisco. RSVP on Facebook (Crank dat DP fo sho). Bring your sweet moves.

first tuesday.

yesterday was the first tuesday of november. do you know what that means? it means i earned my "i voted" sticker. i'm not sure if there's anything else that i wear with more pride than that sticker. go sticker, go. way to be sticky.


this commercial compelled me to go to the website for dwf. hats off to aarp for being proactive.

i am not a one issue voter. yes, yes, i've heard the argument regarding abortion: it has taken more lives than all other "issues" combined. this is sad. this is bad. however, i believe it's important to look at all the issues. and if you can't do that, then at least look at your top ten. or top five. don't be uneducated in 2008. that's my campaign.

i hope to come up with my top ten as i continue to do research.
so far: 1 of 10 = health care.

happy 26th birthday lisa g.p.a.! i love you!

ps. the date: so good. i fully promote awkward silences on first dates. and running out of questions to ask. [lovely] it really was good, though!

.b.o.s.t.o.n.

friday: i wandered boston while nick was at work. met up with renee later in the evening and it made my whole trip worth it. she is a very dear and thoughtful friend. enjoyed dinner with both her and nick... tapas were good, but not like cha cha cha.
saturday: a noreaster! (pretty much a bad storm in east coast language) it rained and rained and was cccccccold. nick and i went to see american gangster, which was great. i don't really have a tolerance for needles so i had to look away quite a bit. due to the cold/rain, we couldn't do much. so we relaxed and it led to some good political discussion. i always learn a lot from nick.sunday: nick and i went to cambridge and met up with myrna. it was so great to spend time with her and get a view of harvard from someone who actually goes there (she is in a phd program studying the history of science). later in the evening, andy (who i knew from westmont-- he lives in harlem and is studying architecture at columbia) came down from new york to visit me. we only had an hour or so together, but it was filled with great conversation.thoughts on boston:
-two doors for everything. (makes being a gentleman difficult)
-pretty homogeneous place.
-too cold. perhaps it has something to do with being raised in california?
-not sure if recycling is a priority there. should be.
-love the brick and rich history. reminds me of florence.
-the T is great, but it's not very informative.
-i am over the boston pride for the redsox and pats. overwhelming.
-i have some really intelligent friends on the east coast. damn.

jet-lagged with jet-blue.

i'm home. more tomorrow, including photos.

in the mean time, here are the reasons to fly jetblue into sf:
1. goes in and out of the international terminal (read: small security line, less people, quieter, cleaner, etc.)
2. points, points, points! easy to get a free flight with jetblue.
3. everyone loves their own tv screen with all the necessary channels: tlc and the food network.
4. good snacks and drinks. i had an arizona ice tea and terra chips.

ps. airlines don't really serve food on flights anymore. i was hungry.

can't forget about samuel!

weighing in at 15 pounds and 25 inches.
nephew #2 is 4.5 months.

oh, halloween.

went to a movie last night: dan in real life. i didn't know it was a romantic comedy, i thought it was just going to be a comedy. anyway, it was cute. it was good for the students to stop thinking and turn off their brains for a couple hours. me too.

packing for boston. i really am excited. i haven't had a break in a long time. over a year?

got some pictures of riley in an email last night.
apparently my brother has always wanted an adult sized onesie.

i don't think riley was into being a pumpkin.