i learned this week that...

...it's a real turning point in life when you begin to empathize with your parents. yah.

you made me ______ this week: part 2.

feel loved: lis, james and dillon. seriously. thank you so much for helping me help her.

HAPPY 24TH BIRTHDAY KRISTY POINTER. I love you.

your eyebrows tell me exactly how you're feeling.

that's exactly what peter said to me today as he was touching my body. no, really. i was getting a massage. apparently he could tell when he was torturing me. go figure. in the end i think it was the best massage i've ever had. everyone: i highly recommend peter to be your masseuse. unless you don't like massages then you're s.o.l.

i ran with an ankle brace today and bought some tiger's balm and an ice pack. my sprained ankle from TWO MONTHS AGO is impacting my knee. dangit. it better get better before august third.

guess who is going to rem/the national/modest mouse on sunday? yep, me. i'm sure you guessed correctly. you win.

coming up: for my alcohol/substance abuse class i get to go to two twelve-step meetings. and they can't be the same type. my friend from class really wants to go to sex addicts anonymous. get out! should be exciting. or, interesting. dbj. i'll let you know how it goes. or how incredible UNCOMFORTABLE i'm feeling the whole entire time.

hey! hey! it's almost june 3. we get to vote in california. please do me (and rusty!) a favor by voting NO on 98 and YES on 99. seriously. it's about rent control, which probably doesn't even matter to you. but it matters to us san franciscans. please please please. i'm whining. and begging.

review of death cab's new cd (i'm a little late, i know): it's good.
review of coldplay's new cd that comes out in june: it's bomb.

i've been in need of distractions recently.

first: HAPPY 31ST BIRTHDAY CARTER AND 24TH BIRTHDAY CARISSA. I love you.

some of my friends did a good job on monday when we went up to napa. here are some photos:

patty says. class two.

patty talked a lot about sibling order tonight. we also read a lot of positive discipline before we came, which i found insightful: "Another major change is that in today's society children have fewer opportunities to learn responsibility and motivation. We no longer need children as important contributors to economic survival. Instead children are given too much in the name of love without any effort or investment on their part and they develop an entitlement attitude." (from Positive Discipline, Jane Nelson, Ed.D.) [a possible explanation for the generation i am a part of and why we think we are entitled to everything].

tonight's fun fact for the babysitters and parents of young kiddos: when working with children and using the 1-2-3 tactic-- do not talk between your one two and three. example: "one... you better come over here before i get to two... one and a half.... alright i'm leaving with out you... two... don't let me get to three... two and a half.... three" just don't do that. it's not effective. a simple one, two, three works fine. talking between gives the power to the kids.

sad: of all the counseling niches, the one that has the lowest rate of good results is couples counseling. why? well, the couples are coming in too late. maybe you want to go to a counseling session, even if things are going well. it couldn't hurt, right?

quit freaking out: not letting kids experience pain is a way of abandoning their development. quit protecting them. let them feel hurt. it's good for them.

that's all i got.

happy memorial day.

"I think we must be careful about too easily accepting, or being too easily grateful for, sacrifices made by others, especially if we have made none ourselves. " -wendell berry

read the whole essay, the failure of war, here.

happy first birthday, riley.

riley ate cake for the first time today:

running shoes and addictions.

i have two questions: how can you tell when you need a new pair of running shoes? and does anyone have any recommendations for a specific pair of asics that they like? please, someone enlighten me.

i headed off to class today for seven hours. it would have been a drag but the professor is totally on the cutting edge of addiction treatment (he uses emdr for addictions- that's wild!). i'll leave you with a myth and a fact:

common myth: marijuana isn't bad for my brain like cocaine or meth or _____. WRONG! do not be fooled. just check out the brain imaging from dr. amen... especially important to note is that marijuana affects and disables the part of the brain that motivates one to get help-- no other drug does that. think about that for a second.

interesting research: if a person with an addiction goes into a thirty day treatment facility, they have an eighty percent chance of relapse. six months, fifty percent. one year, thirty percent. clearly, addiction is not something to mess around with. it certainly cannot be cured over a month.

YAY LIFE LONG LEARNING!

you made me ______ this week: part 1.

[my new space that i will tell you who/what i'm _____ with but probably won't give an explanation. forgive me in advance?]

angry: people who break up with their partners through email. 

my advice: grow up.

raise your hand if you love lori.

you all should be raising your hand right now because i'm referring to the lori lester, an amazing friend and future occupational therapist all-star. i was visiting lor in scotts valley/santa cruz for the last twenty-four hours and was blessed. we did everything from park in the same parking lot three different times, eat marlene's ice cream, nap under the sun by the lighthouse, see prince caspian, wander, eat, and rest. so good. you all should be jealous. (and by you all, i mostly mean michele, lesley, diana, and adam). fun to remember some old experiences and re-build them with lori.

got back and am having a difficult time with some family stuff that would be lame to share here. the david bowie song ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-changes keeps popping into my head. weird. ahhhh! so much might change. i'll keep you posted.

on a way lighter note: my oldest nephew, riley, turned one yesterday. yay!

patty says.

don't judge a person by their spelling habits. or if they make up words like "deepful".

i totally judged patty. she is my parent & child therapy professor and she is awesome; engaging, professional, enthusiastic, entertaining, thoughtful, really. and while i'm in her class i will play patty says on tuesday nights because i just have to share it with you [and/or] i want to remember it [and/or] i want to. so humor me.

thing 1: commend people on who they are not what they do. if you think this is obvious, then i commend you, but seriously. how often do we say to little johnny "great job on scoring those goals in your soccer game!" or to sally "you rocked in the school play!" instead, we could be saying, "johnny, you are such a determined person and you persistence is paying off" or "sally, you are so passionate!" of course these are cheesy examples, but think about how we are told about the good things that we do instead of the good people that we are. so what if you can create great art or if you're an all star teacher. i want to know who you are. not what you do.

thing 2: be careful not to say sorry too quickly. seriously. we say it so fast these days that it feels like it's an automatic response; it's losing its value. patty isn't saying to not say it, she's just saying to not let it be the first thing out of your mouth when you mess up. 

thing 3: we need to feel felt. when was the last time you felt felt? not felt heard, but felt felt. mine was last night: lis and i were driving home and sharing about specific things that are happening for us and we talked about our J-ness and then it just clicked. we understood each other. we were on the same page. and it felt damn good. 

maybe you knew these things already. maybe not. whatever the case, i think it's a good reminder. don't you agree?

today, may nineteenth. a monday.

exhausted. babysat for eight hours. you read that right, eight hours. i practically fell asleep throwing willem the football and he wondered why i changed the game so that only he runs and i throw. it's good to end when emma says "goodbye em-a-yee!" at least she knows my name after two years of babysitting. potty training is a kick, too. especially when she waved her hand in a stop motion and yelled "privacy, please!"

my run this morning was a struggle. it's better, though, when you're in it together.

a lot of things are unsettled for the people around me:
uncommitted roommates
wavering husbands
frustrating jobs
frustrating boyfriend's jobs
lying teenagers
not-so-understanding fathers, etc.
i feel like i am supposed to be like a glass of wine.
ya know, to soothe the problems, but not make them go away.
to help the drinker relax.
to be a presence.
or maybe i am just supposed to try to be more like Jesus.

two days until riley's first birthday.
three days prior dillon became twenty-six.
and nine days until carissa is twenty-four and carter is thirty-one.
get out. you're so old. all of you.

the sirens are so loud right now. i can't wait to escape the city to be with lori in santa cruz. come quick, wednesday.

annie and bay to breakers.

i got to go to the annie leibovitz show at the legion of honor with some friends on saturday. amazing. real cool to see what she did with the photos of susan sontag and her experience with breast cancer. so impressed. and inspired. after we watched a documentary which was quite moving. you should go to the exhibit if you're in san francisco.

bay to breakers was today. i didn't think the costumes were as good as last year, but i still laughed. yah for my brother who ran the whole thing and yah for seeing rachel prandini and yah for throwing goldfish at passerby's mouths. yaaaaaah.

it is ninety five degrees in san francisco.

today i dropped my cell phone while scootering. please, do not ask what i was doing with my cell phone in my hand while scootering. it fell into the street and i yelled some sort of expletive and drove back around hoping it wasn't run over. check! still in tact. however, there is a rather large crack in the screen. ooops.

i forgot to mention that when i made the pies, i burned my hands. bad. i know i'm supposed to keep the burns out of the sun, but does anyone know what to do to prevent scarring? my friend roxy told me that if you get a burn, immediately put some sort of vinegar on it and it will do the trick. but what if i missed the vinegar and i'm left with the blisters? help, please.

it is so so so hot. good thing it's cooling off before bay-to-breakers this sunday.

currently: contemplating the mayercraft.

look for the orange parking meters.

san francisco is about to fix up some of their parking meters so the money that gets put in goes directly to charities which help people who are homeless. that's pretty sweet, don't you think?

the point: to get us to not give money to panhandlers. read about san francisco here and other sweet cities here.

melissa block makes it harder.

as i was eating my orzo and goat cheese salad during dinner, i decided to turn on npr, hoping to hear more about john edwards' latest endorsement. instead, i got an earful of the kqed (local bay area npr) hosts begging me for money (which, by the way, they are pretty compelling). then melissa block came on to tell me a story about some dujiangyan parents looking for their toddler and grandparents in the rubble. she just happen to be reporting in china before tuesday and now she is there reporting stories from the earthquake. it was a very hard twelve minutes, but i encourage you to read the story or figure out a way to listen, if you can.

it's easy to feel helpless and disconnected in a time like this, especially if you're in california where the land of wealth and consumerism are so easily distractible. it's easy to question God or try figure God out (neither, i think, are helpful in these times). and it's especially easy to be angry and do nothing (i encourage the angry part, but not the do nothing part).

i think we have four choices (maybe more, but i'm simplifying for the sake of my simple mind) in situations like this:
a. go about our day and continue to live selfishly (so easy, i know!).
b. pray/think/meditate/whatever it is that you do.
c. give time/money/something.
d. become informed.

it's a good thing that you don't have to just pick one. i'm going with b and d for now. as i've been praying and listening to these stories and reading about this tragedy, it has helped to make the estimated fifteen thousand dead more real. i feel more alive when i hear melissa get teary eyed as she tries to report. even though i am so far away, the least i can do is put a name and a face to a few people and feel with them; empathy, really.

the more informed you are, [i believe] the more alive you are.

the "my first pie" pies.

i usually hate fruit with my dessert. well, except apples. but i watched the movie waitress on sunday afternoon and was completely inspired to make pie. i don't even enjoy pie. but inspiration got the best of me and i was determined. i scoured foodnetwork and epicurious and martha and found paula dean's crunch top apple pie. however, i remembered it's the beginning of cherry season and they are only $1.49/pound in the mission. and as i was babysitting, i dragged emma into sur la table to just look (this is the year of collecting kitchen items, i'll explain later). while inside and repeating to my three-year-old friend, "this is a store where we don't touch anything" i found the new bon apetite (which conveniently had a photo of sour cherry pie on the cover) and a cherry pitter. i was just looking but ended up purchasing. it's a good thing i didn't buy a whole set of all-clad because it is on major sale. i digress. then i headed to the grocery store to get the rest of the ingredients and thought i would browse the frozen section, just to see if i could stumble upon a ready made pie crust. ah ha! i found it. but there wasn't any extra dough to make a lattice. you can't have cherry pie without a lattice! i put my things down on top of the twenty-four packs of beer piled high in the middle of the frozen aisle and i breathed deeply. i literally stared at the frozen pie crusts for at least thirty seconds. do i have what it takes to make a pie? crust and all? it can't be that hard. should i go for it? what if it tastes bad? oh well. so i decided to use what my momma gave me (baking skills [among other things] starting at age six- thanks mom!).

i started the pie process at 2:30 and ended at 6:30. yes, it really did take me four hours to make two pies. but i documented the whole thing. for three reasons in no particular order... one: to show you. two: to remember the "my first pie" pies. and three: i haven't picked up my slr in over six months, it needed some love.

the whole process reminded me that i love to cook and bake and entertain. and this, by the way, is NOT a product of being a woman (we can talk about this later, but you can answer to my uncle and my step-dad if you have any questions). with loving to cook/bake/entertain and being in school all summer with no job (besides emma and ziggy), i've decided to devote these next three months to getting better. and learning. and such.

good thing the pies tasted aright. my community group reaped the benefit (they might have lied and said it was "amazing" because they didn't want to ruin my first experience. thanks, guys!)

next up: sweet potato fries, croissants, tarts, and something with goat cheese.

pie crust before ice cold water is added to make dough:


cherries before being pitted by the most amazing cherry pitter ever:


apple filling ready to go:


rolling and cutting out the lattice:


lattice over cherries:


i think i can work on the looks of the apple pie:


i don't even like cherries but i like this:

welcome, elizabeth!

to the list of top ten baby names of 2007. who is at the top? jacob and emily. boooooooyah.

ps. brothers and sisters: omg.

pss. happy birthday janelle!

mother's day.

she gives her dogs (doggy) ice cream.
she corrects my brother's spelling.
she gets a weekly car wash.
she has her RN and JD.
she talks to her tomatoes.
she is up to date with technology.
she calls her gps system her 'girlfriend', cause she's always there for her.
she watches oprah like it's going out of style.
she had not 1, not 2, not 3, but 4 children within 7 years.
she throws amazing dinner parties.
she loves to dance.
she makes every get together virtual if you're not there.
she embraces fifty, and fifty-one.
she has this laugh that makes you laugh.
she is wiser as the days go on.

all of those things (and more, of course) make for my wild mother that i love dearly.

oh, saturday! (to be said like canada's national anthem).

jordan was visiting. i always learn so much when she's around. always. we had breakfast with lis and then went to the real farmers market, you know, the one that is slowly being gentrified, unlike the one down at the embarcadero that is completely gentrified and over-priced. worth your time, and mine. good to support local, right? or at least that's what i hear.

hung out with the martin's crew at zeitgeist and then on to weird fish. fantastic food, really. glad i went. worth your time, and mine.

and then i spent some time being soothed by ben taylor with dan and julie. do you know ben? he is the son of james taylor and carly simon. the point: you should get to know him. also! shuyler (pronounced sky-ler) fisk was there and david saw, too. so good. worth your time, and mine.

coldplay is coming!

i about wet my pants when i found out that coldplay was coming to love me and my ears.

since there's no so-cal love, perhaps you want to join me?

party in my bank account.

sorry georgey, i'm not stimulating the economy with these sixty thousand pennies. try: saving for a rainy day. (like that day when i got ripped off by CENTRUM VOLVO IN SAN FRANCISCO and almost DIED because they didn't fix my car correctly. yah, like that day)

by the way: spring 2008 ended yesterday. semester two down, four to go. i have a week break before i start the summer session, and until then i will bask in the san francisco sun and scooter around the city like i have places to be.

thankful for my major.

communication studies, that is. and, no, it's not a "communicationS" major. quit saying that, silly!

one of my professors, greg spencer, recently wrote this article on contentment. it's certainly what i need to hear, often. thanks, spence.

the canvas bag is so cool.

[right now.] down with plastic! up with canvas!

da"niel" and me excited about our bags from the benefit last thursday:

dangit! i'm fresh out of marshmallow guns.

and i'm making rice crispy treats tonight. someone, rescue me. julie?

i had an amazing weekend. had some quality time with kristy (and all the pointers, plus aunt shirls- dbj), the jordans and the mollkoys. loved it. three of my favorite santa barbara families. and it was very fun to watch all the page kids graduate. i remember when they arrived. photos below.

oh how i miss the saturdays when allison would come eat alphabet cookies and candy for breakfast in my room.


jordan and ris; lovers of spanish.


page ra's (nick, ek, jrea)


kristy, laura, ek


jules, you did it!


half of page 3c, four years later.


becca, ek


brett, janelle, ek


anna, sara, becca


i swear we took this photo when we were in florence (ek, jrea, kp)


sam mollkoy looking cute as a button


anna (the best babysitter ever, according to jesse) and jesse mollkoy


ek, corinne and meg (where are you, lesley, anna and anna?)

rodrigo y gabriela!

last night was amazing. dan and julie y. got tickets for a benefit put on by tipping point communities (they "support the most effective groups [like new door ventures, where dan and julie work] connecting bay area individuals and families to the services and opportunities needed to break the cycle of poverty and achieve economic self-sufficiency..." one hundred percent charity, zero percent overhead). rodrigo y gabriela put on an amazing show (see example below). fun was had by all (dan, erin, julie, nathan, me and my totally platonic date, adam) with sushi before and an open bar and dj after.

check them out; i've never seen anyone so good at guitar:


on my way to santa barbara to see all my favorites graduate.