today, may nineteenth. a monday.

exhausted. babysat for eight hours. you read that right, eight hours. i practically fell asleep throwing willem the football and he wondered why i changed the game so that only he runs and i throw. it's good to end when emma says "goodbye em-a-yee!" at least she knows my name after two years of babysitting. potty training is a kick, too. especially when she waved her hand in a stop motion and yelled "privacy, please!"

my run this morning was a struggle. it's better, though, when you're in it together.

a lot of things are unsettled for the people around me:
uncommitted roommates
wavering husbands
frustrating jobs
frustrating boyfriend's jobs
lying teenagers
not-so-understanding fathers, etc.
i feel like i am supposed to be like a glass of wine.
ya know, to soothe the problems, but not make them go away.
to help the drinker relax.
to be a presence.
or maybe i am just supposed to try to be more like Jesus.

two days until riley's first birthday.
three days prior dillon became twenty-six.
and nine days until carissa is twenty-four and carter is thirty-one.
get out. you're so old. all of you.

the sirens are so loud right now. i can't wait to escape the city to be with lori in santa cruz. come quick, wednesday.