the culmination of my stressful week.

this is for those of you who have asked about my stressful week, or specifically about my case conference.

this past friday went something like this:

my first case conference experience was so. hard. and i did fine. i presented well. the response was good. and then they started asking me questions. and i started answering them. and within some of my answers was, well, how i apparently felt about the case but didn't know i felt about the case. have you ever done that? not known you felt a certain way until it just spilled out of your mouth? except it was more like projectile vomiting. 

things i vomited include: 

"anything i do this year with this client is nothing." 

"what i say isn't going to be good enough for this client"

"everything i do with this client is worthless"

and my supervisor wrote all my quotes on the board. she said, "i'm not writing this to make you upset. but you need to realize that this is how you feel and it's affecting the case. counter-transference, if you will." and i sank in my chair. sank sank sank. and took a sip of water. because that's what i do when i try to hold back my tears. but one still managed to make its way to the corner of my eye. and i took a deep breath. and swallowed. and forgot to breath. and remembered again. and sat with it. the anger. the frustration. the pain. and the tear dropped from my face.

i didn't know i felt that way. and all of a sudden, in a matter of moments, this case got a lot harder and a lot more complicated. [just what i needed]

and then i got a one hundred dollar ticket. on my SCOOTER. awesome.