it was only the sixth day at work and it finally happened: i broke down in the bathroom. why the bathroom? because no one can see me in the bathroom. i just started crying as i stared at myself in the mirror, helpless. the whole ordeal lasted about four minutes and i finally wiped off my smudged liner and tried to just breathe. what i was crying about is going to be a consistent issue for me, at least for the first six months of this job: i feel so inadequate. i am overwhelmed by what i have to learn that it's paralyzing me. i don't know what i'm doing.
self care is a huge topic at work. as i left last night, my supervisor said, "emily, what are you going to do to take care of yourself tonight?" i paused. i had no idea. i told him i'd get back to him.
as i got on my scooter, (which had a nail in the tire. bad, bad news.) i knew what i was going to do to take care of myself: purchase an eight dollar pint (yes, i said pint) of my favorite ice cream from bi-rite. half a pint later, i felt better.
here's to FAKING IT 'TIL I MAKE IT.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
i was wondering how long this would take.
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4 comments:
I support the use of ice cream in self care. Hang in there! Better days are ahead.
hmmm...bi-rite. i also think crying is good. it's a release. hope to hear more about your new job!
Oh, Katzie. You are a hero. You know what to do.
understand no one should expect you to be perfect. you are new and try to feel new instead of inadequate. i felt this way about work until about a year ago (so two years in) and every day i still have to ask my boss MULTIPLE questions. breathe. you will make it and you will be successful!!
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