tonight, my dearest friend said, "emily. you don't have to respond. you don't have to know the answer. and you certainly don't have to know why you feel that way." essentially she was giving me the freedom to sit in my pain and not know the answers. for an enfj, that's REALLY hard. but i'm trying.
it's all about the process. instead of making this about you or you or you, the reality is the only person i can control is me. i can only do something about my response, my behaviors, my thoughts, my feelings.
i really want to blame you or you or you. [because that will make me feel better!]
i really want you or you or you to go away. [because this will never happen again if you're gone!]
i really want to trust you or you or you again. [because that will mean you changed!]
so here i am. feeling this big (imagine i'm pinching my thumb and pointer finger together). and hoping just a little bit, that by not avoiding, not being passive aggressive and not running from the pain, there is wisdom and growth on the other side.
please, oh please God, let there be wisdom and growth.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
this process totally sucks. let's be honest.
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3 comments:
so my counselor told me today, "there is always loss in growth and change." do you agree?
absolutely. because when you are growing or changing, you're gaining something. and when gaining something, you generally are losing something at the same time.
sort of goes with this quote: "with inevitable pain comes inevitable growth."
growing and wisdoming....
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