c is for conflict.

thank God for deborah dunn, who taught me everything i needed to know about dealing with conflict resolution and reconciliation. and thank God for michele mollkoy, who gives the most meaningful advice and guides me as i process conflict resolution and reconciliation.

go to the balcony. it seems like i'm ALWAYS at the balcony. being at the balcony is like being at the doubletree in santa barbara. looking down at the party (conflict) from up above on the rotunda. but really, the concept refers to removing yourself from a conflict and getting a different perspective. mostly, not reacting in the heat of the moment.

so i tend to do that a lot. i grew up in a family where we NEVER went to the balcony, so this has been a REALLY hard thing to learn. but it's definitely becoming a habit. again, thank God.

and then the REAL problem occurs. after i come back down to the party from the rotunda, i'm not what sure to do. how to act. what to say. where to go. what your comments mean. why are you giving ME the silent treatment? do i call you? do i bring it up? WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT THIS? ...and that's when i call michele.

everyone should have a michele in their life. she reminds me that when in doubt, i should just say nothing. and that other people's choices have nothing to do with me. they are about the person making them and they are their responsibility- not mine. and i have a responsibility in all conflict: ask myself what i can control (my own thoughts and behavior) and what i can learn. and then decide how i can make a better decision next time. essentially, make smarter decisions about not getting hurt when i could have prevented it.

and after our conversations?. i feel better. it's all about the process. and making smarter decisions, of course.