there is a God!

if you've got school loans, you'll definitely want to read THIS ARTICLE.

the way to my heart.

is to unexpectedly fill up my gas tank.

i have the coolest grandparents in the world, really.

the perfect saturday night. in a dark room by myself, sort of.

i finally saw away we go, with a reminder from bekah. of course i loved it, totally my kind of movie-- a great story about the journey. of course i cried. of course i laughed. and of course i enjoyed the writing from dave eggers and vendela vida and ALL the music from alexi murdoch. of course.

mourning.

in addition to our loss of mj, i'm mourning the loss of my clients. who knew saying goodbye to someone with dementia would be so hard? who knew they'd remember me? who knew we'd both cry when i said goodbye?

damnit. this is NOT easy. i guess i never asked for easy...

things not to do on a first date. with me.

bring a condom, or two. true confession: i might have put my hands in his back pockets when we might have been kissing. and i found them. i already have no filter, but it gets magnified when i have a glass of cider.

me: is this a condom?
him: uh, yah.
me: who do you think i am? or. what did you think we were going to do?
him: i don't know. you always have to be prepared, right?
me: um. no. i think this date just ended.

whelp. that was easy. i understand the importance of being safe. but seriously. what was i thinking when i said yes to you? ugh, my life: sexless in the city.

like air guitar... but not.

i laughed out loud when i received the above email from one of my favorite concert venues in the city, the independent. i couldn't believe my eyes... were they really advertising an AIR SEX CHAMPIONSHIP? what the hell is an air sex championship? and why aren't some of my friends contestants? i quickly forwarded the email out to those who could take home the blue ribbon. hopefully they sign up.

happy future father's day dinner.

as ct would say, "you know some shit, ek!" but he knows (and i know) that i just like to play in the kitchen. and playing in the kitchen is more fun with friends. in honor of future father's day, we made: pan-seared tilapia with lemon and capers over quinoa, fresh summer squash and zucchini with something else (i can't remember), lemon and thyme roasted carrots and sara foster's roasted peach halves with a bomb crumb topping.

i'm clearly excited that dan was taking this photo.

there they are... future fathers nick, dillon, kyle, chad, dan, and andrew.

first day on the job.

whelp, it's official: i'm exhausted. eight hours of training down and seventy two more to go.

i'm not in old people land anymore :(

the vital role fathers play in our communities.

regardless of what you think of our president, i'm grateful for the message he's sending to our nation regarding fatherhood. check it out:



happy father's day to my pops, my grandpa, and my three brothers who are fathers to either a son or a dog (carter, we know you're going to be a great father to a human being one day!). i'm glad you guys haven't taken your job lightly; you're changing their worlds for the better.

and since i'm not near my pops today, i'm going to celebrate father's day by taking part in cooking a dinner for six future fathers.

micah and cg are marrrrrrrrrried!

we had ourselves an exciting san francisco evening to celebrate with micah and cg- we were that table at the wedding... ya know, the one that's semi-obnoxious and toasting to everything... but really, everyone else wishes they were having as much fun as we were. it's always fun to see westmont friends...

like melissa!





















and my favorite resident assistants, jon and nick (dillon really wanted to be in the photo, clearly):

i've been waiting one thousand four hundred and ninety one days for this.

i've only fallen in love with a woman once. it was the day i discovered kate earl and her cd fate is the hunter. that was more than four years ago.

i've been waiting and waiting for more. [anything, kate, anything!] and NOW my wait is over... it's only four songs but you can fall in love, too, for two ninety nine. who knew love could be so cheap?

if you want, listen on her myspace before you buy. or at least just purchase melody cause it's the best track.

redemption.

the definition in my own words: something receiving worth or value when it might have previously lost its value. to change for the better, really.

i'm a pretty cynical person. i don't often conceptualize how things can be redemptive for myself, which is strange because i have no problem doing it for my clients. but today was different as i experienced this process in a whole new way. it's not exactly appropriate to give details in such a public place, but i can say this: it's a hard process to find beauty from ashes. but if you're searching for it, and asking for help, you might just find something...

...my something was an apology that i didn't know i needed. it was me reading a letter that was clear and well thought out. it was me choosing to believe that he really is better than the way he treated me. it was me taking personal responsibility. and it was me creating closure without him. redemption is God turning my ashes to beauty.

updated todo todo todo list.

i love lists. my full name is "emily jeanne the list lover katz." i don't know what my parents were thinking but they totally knew me before i exited the womb. geniuses. if you knew the password on my phone you'd find all kinds of fun lists in there: funny quotes, library books to rent, lounges in the city to go to, words to look up, things i want to remember, gifts i want to give, the kiss list, what to bring and not bring on next year's yosemite trip, ya know... the usual. i've completed EIGHT MORE items on my life todo todo todo list. thirtynine to go.

38. Go fishing with Carter (05/09) (no shark/fish caught. still counts for going though!)
41. Go to a fondue restaurant (02/09) HEY BILL AND RITA!
66. Sell my car (05/09) suckas.
70. Take Diana to the zoo (05/09) HEY PIPPEN THE PENGUIN.
72. Plan at least 3 more friends’ weddings (Leslie 09/08, Janelle 08/09, Laura 10/09)
77. Go to the grand re-opening of the Academy of Sciences (02/09) HEY JULIE!
95. Visit Carissa in Orange (03/09)
96. Learn to knit (01/09) HEY MEG!

see the whole list here.

wandering.

i am so thankful in this moment for the friend who guides me and encourages me to be a better person. for the friend who made the decision with me to refuse to continue to act the way we've been acting. for the friend who asks me the existential questions, knowing full well that i have no idea the answers and i will sit in silence because i cannot fix this. and for the friend who is learning to ask for what she needs, even if it means she just needs to feel beautiful.

and now i can't sleep. i am proud of myself for choosing authenticity and clear communication. i am amazed that i mustered up the courage to initiate the conversation, even if the way i started meant hearing, "that is so therapist of you." as the tears form in the corners of my eyes, i think about the grace i've been given. it is good to be reminded that all that glitters is not gold, all who wander are not lost.

whirlwind tour of san francisco.

kp and alex arrived for a sixteen hour stay in san francisco and i was deemed with the task of showing alex the city. first stop, tartine. followed by a wave at bi-rite creamery. then blue bottle on mint. a wave at usf's beautiful campus. the golden gate bridge and all of its not-so-golden glory. green apple books to FINALLY make the best investment my body ever could. lunch at one of the favs, green chile kitchen. pampering for the nails and a wave at the full house house.

alex, i hope i gave you a satisfactory view of the city. i hope you weren't expecting frisco or san fran. photo update later.

hopefully you're as lucky as me.

i hope you have a friend that lets you sleep on her couch for the whole weekend with no plans in mind.

i hope you have a friend whose husband is excited to see you too. in fact, he might even text you on your drive down saying he can't wait to see you.

i hope you have a friend who will rub your back as you are jealous about her leather seats.

i hope you have a friend who will spot senator mccallister for you and stand awkwardly near him so you can pretend like you are taking a photo of her.

i hope you have a friend who will walk into hoity toity antique shops and laugh at the price tags with you.

i hope you have a friend who refuses to let her dog off the leash because it would go against her principles.

i hope you have a friend who will shake her head at the beginning of up with you because you both are on the same page about disney.

i hope you have a friend who spends her time reading books written by people groups who have been discriminated against.

and i hope you have a friend who knows some of your deepest hurts and desires.

"you have leather seats?"

friday night i got to spend time with five sixths of the we-want-to-be-informed-about-the-two-thousand-eight-election-so-let's-do-it-together group. so good to share a glass of wine (or four) and laugh. cheers to remembering every single detail. okay, most.

we missed you, lesley.

link city, left to right: anna, anna, corinne, megan, me.

if my mom were a biker.

she would do this.

i'm pretty sure the dog isn't even strapped in.

wow.

young at heart.

if you like documentaries OR you want to learn about healthy aging OR you want to learn about who i've been working with for the last ten months, then put this on your netflix. okay, okay, maybe i haven't been working with people who are this active, but still. it's the same age group.

i am sad to admit that my time working with my late-age-adult friends is soon coming to an end. i am in the process of putting together a fortyfive minute presentation about what i've learned this year. i need more time. HELP.

do i look old enough to be called MA'AM?

my scooter stops next to a motorcycle cop at an intersection.
he totally checks out my fifty cc scooter and chuckles.
we scoot to the next intersection.
"ma'am. can you please tighten your helmet? it could fall off in an accident."
i respond, "sure. but you just called me mam. how old do i look?"
he laughed and motored off into the fog.

seriously?

i'd rather be with miles.

than working on this stupid letter. the process of closure totally sucks.
thank God for the weepies and buchanan.

i read the obits today.

it's arguable that the biggest experience we'll ever face in life is our departure from this world.
and we are so unprepared.
which got me thinking: why do we wait until we're dead to tell our stories?
we're surrounded by remarkable people and we might not even know it.

we've known each other for more than half our lives.

and she IS my favorite jew. (i can say that because i AM a jew, right? right.)

shonna had a birthday party extravaganza that made me feel like we were thirteen again. those were the days when we'd plan out how to toilet paper the v's house, stay up choreographing dances, skinny dip, play truth-or-dare and eat more taquitos and ice cream than a pubescent teenage girl should be allowed. fast forward twelve years and we still had our sleepover... but with champagne (and cider!) croquet, a photo scavenger hunt, dinner, laughter and the true confessions of a virgin into the wee hours of the night. God, i love my best friends. i feel so at home when we're together, wherever we are.

how about the cake that debbie made for the wall-e lover?

and... it's NOT that i'm competitive or anything, but it is REALLY important to note that jesse and i won croquet and team RED (debbie, carissa and me) won the photo scavenger hunt. BOOOOOYA.

this morning. shonna, katie, carissa, me:

thanks bo, sean and chad for the ride down/car company.

the one on the right is CLEARLY my four-year-old boyfriend. duh.

spent today with one of my favorite families, team mollkoy. i'm really grateful for rad people who know me and love me in a fresh way, specifically michele.
the one on the left: "mom, katz is so crazy!"
the one on the right: "no she's not! she's the most beautiful girl in the world."
holllllllla! nothing like a compliment from a four-year-old.

off to see the wizards.

the wonderful wizards of visalia. because because because because... it's shonna's birthday. and THANK GOD we're not going to visalia.

it's been a tough four days.

breathe in. breathe out.

i have been reminding myself to just breathe lately.

to stop tensing up my shoulders.

to stop focusing on that experience.

to stop replaying it in my mind.

to stop trying to think about what i could have done different.

to stop holding my breath.

breathe in. breathe out.

and then i realize that it's important to sit exactly where i'm at. feel what i'm feeling. clear the clementine in my throat. but sit in the hurt. own it and try not to put a positive spin on it.

just breathe, emily. just breathe.

get your run on.

today is national running day. hollllllllla!

off to get my butt kicked by my friend steve. he runs six minute miles for fun. i don't. awesome.

as a woman.

you're only given as much respect as you demand.

ten absolutes for dementia.

never argue, instead agree.
never reason, instead divert.
never shame, instead distract.
never lecture, instead reassure.
never "remember," instead reminisce.
never "i told you," instead repeat.
never "you can't," instead, "do what you can."
never command or demand, instead as or model.
never condescend, instead encourage or praise.
never force, instead reinforce.

the majority of the above information is from one of my favorite sources: family caregiver alliance, www.caregiver.org

read my disclaimer here.