let's prepare. now.

during training on friday, patrick asked us what's the most unexpected thing we've learned with our clients-- it wasn't that long ago that we started in august and we didn't know a thing about the aging population. right when he asked, i knew my answer.

"patrick, i need to prepare. i've learned that i need to prepare now and create my own preventative care plan. [the group laughed a little at me; i'm the youngest in the room] i know i'm only twentyfour, but if i don't do something now, it will be my own fault. i will end up just like my clients. they are hurting. lonely. depressed. demented. scared. alone. i need to plan for my future. i need to be ready. i need to prepare. that's the most unexpected thing i've learned. i never thought i'd think about some of these things at twentyfour. maybe fiftyfour? but definitely not now. i never expected to think about my own death and aging, just my clients'. and even though i didn't expect it, i think this will be one of the healthiest things i face this year."

now, i'm not talking about wills and estate plans. i'm talking about physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health. what can i do now, on sunday november ninth to prepare for my life at age sixtyeight? and what about eightyone? this is hard to grasp as we live in a society that fears death. a society that is ageist. a place where the worst thing to be is old. and we deny death. we never talk about dying. we don't want to look ahead that far. we're scared.

as i see my clients weekly, they are declining; it's all getting worse. the dementia is slowly increasing, the pain is hurting more and the family and friends that didn't surround them before still aren't there. i don't want to be them. thinking about them before i go to bed makes it hard to sleep. leaving sessions with them is sometimes unbearable; i am the only human contact they might get that week.

and so i ask myself: what could they have done differently? and what can i do differently now? asking these questions isn't for them- it's purely selfish: because i'm the only one that can control what my life looks like at eightyeight.